The World According to Vince - Jane Harvey-Berrick Page 0,88
out, her words like a whip.
“But he’s your client, Ms. Cooper!” Judge Herschel coughed.
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“Uh, well, this is rather unusual.”
“He’s an unusual client,” Gracie spat.
Pencil-dick Barclay looked happier than a camel on hump day when he saw that me and Gracie were fighting.
“I wish to call new a witness,” Grace declared coldly.
“Objection! I have no prior notice about anyone who wasn’t on the witness list during discovery,” the tadpole tosser griped.
“Counsel, approach the bench,” Judge Herschel ordered. “Please explain yourself, Ms. Cooper.”
Both lawyers strode up to stand in front of the judge, a mulish expression on Barclay’s face; a furious one on Grace.
“Your Honor, we didn’t know that we’d need this witness, but their appearance can provide testimony critical to the case, although I’m not sure he … well, he might not … um…”
She tried to appear uncertain and hesitant, and Barclay took the bait, looking very pleased with Grace’s apparent lack of confidence in the new witness.
The judge peered over her glasses, her eyes narrowed. Either she had a squint, or she was pissed off.
“Very well, Ms. Cooper. As District Attorney Barclay has no objection, I will rule on this and allow your new witness.”
Grace kept her face blank. “Thank you, your Honor. Defense calls Jabari.”
I punched the air and waited expectantly.
The bailiff looked scared stiff (or probably scared limp) when a giant lion, me old pal Jabari, strolled into the courtroom, shaking his mane and yawning. The jurors gasped and scrambled over each other to get away from him, huddled together and squawking like ducks in a feather factory. The people in the audience made a right racket, yelling and shouting, and even Jabari heard them, despite being mostly deaf. I think he read my lips when I talked to him.
Barclay looked like he was about to wet himself, and even Grace seemed apprehensive despite having seen Jabari at Rick and Cady’s wedding. Judge Herschel stared without speaking, her mouth moving but nothing coming out.
“It’s alright,” I said, nodding to Jabari’s keeper, “you’re an old mate, aren’t you, Jabari?”
I knelt down and that ole lion buffeted me with his heavy head, knocking me on my arse, then yawned in my face and lay down next to me with a heavy sigh. I sat up, slinging my arm around his neck and whispering in his ear. That bit was mostly for show, but I knew Jabari liked it because it tickled. He flicked his ear and closed his eyes, smiling blissfully, then rolled onto his back for a belly rub.
“I am the Canine Crusader,” I announced, standing up and facing the jury who were suddenly silent. “I’m an animal whisperer and can talk to animals. That other lawyer,” and I pointed at Barclay, “says I’m a liar and that helping Jabari home after he’d had a night on the town was a publicity stunt. Well, he’s welcome to tell Jabari to go home. Come on, Burk-ly! Come and tell Jabari to clear off. No? The truth is that I was out on me best mate’s stag night, um, bachelor party, when we saw Jabari wandering through Central Park all by himself, right, Rick?” I turned to Rick and he nodded, grinning widely while Cady seemed to have climbed into his lap. “He looked lost, so I decided to take him back to Central Park Zoo where he lives. But when I got there, the gates were locked. I had to climb over the wall to open the gates and let him back in. Saved him from being shot in the backside with a tranquilizer gun. The zoo people were grateful and so was Jabari, weren’t you, mate?”
Then I did my Crocodile Dundee thang, and sent Jabari to sleep. Unfortunately it worked on half the jury, too.
“Remove that animal!” the judge said in a croaky voice. “Get it out of my courtroom! Now!”
I’d said what I needed to say, and the jury had seen me with Jabari—the ones who were still awake—so I didn’t mind that the judge looked like she was about to do a Mount St. Helena.
“Right-o, Judge,” I winked at her.
I prodded Jabari awake and held onto his mane while I walked him back to his keeper, then gave him a kiss, got a lick like being sandpapered in return, and promised to visit him soon. Jabari, not his keeper. Although he seemed like a nice bloke too, but I just shook his hand.
As soon as Jabari had gone, the courtroom erupted.