The World According to Vince - Jane Harvey-Berrick Page 0,89

gavel so hard, the hammer flew out of her hand and bopped Barclay on his conk.

“Nice shot, Judge!” I laughed as Barclay moaned loudly.

It would have been worth being sent to the cells for contempt of court. Unfortunately, it was Gracie who was sent down.

“Um, yeah, maybe not my best idea,” I admitted, as she sat in the stinking concrete box with bars on the door, and one bog that didn’t look it had seen a toilet cleaner since Prince sang 1999.

Oddly, she didn’t seem too mad, and just shrugged as I stood on the other side of the bars. It was nice of the bailiff to let me go and talk to her, and he said it was the most fun he’d ever had in court. It made everything that happened in the courtroom seem a bit more human somehow.

“I knew it was a risk,” said Gracie, taking my hand through the bars and giving me a slow smile. “But it was worth it, if only to see the look on Barclay’s face.”

“Yeah, that’s one ugly mug he’s got,” I said sagely.

Gracie stood up and hugged me as well as she could through the bars, her hair standing on end from the static caused by my Lycra outfit.

“He’s just doing his job.”

That made my hackles rise and I ground my teeth. “He’s a pencil-dick!”

Gracie laughed. “If you say so. You were amazing with that lion, by the way. I didn’t think … well, I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean, I know you did at the wedding, but I’d had all that champagne so I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined half of it. But you really are an animal whisperer! They’ll do anything you say!”

“If I whisper to you, will it work?” I asked hopefully.

“Well,” said Gracie carefully, “I’m not promising I’ll roll on my back with my legs in the air … but then again, I might.”

I groaned at the image and got a full-on chubby that the Lycra couldn’t hide or contain.

Grace’s eyes bulged. “I think we’d better talk about something else,” she said breathlessly.

“Um, yeah, we should,” I said, shifting around uncomfortably, the bars pressed between us. “So what happens next?”

“Cady uses my credit card to pay my fine and we all go back to court to finish the case. Usually, the judge would keep me in overnight to encourage me to think on the error of my ways,” Gracie smirked, “although I’m quite enjoying being the one who’s a bad influence, but I’m sure that Judge Herschel wants to get this case over and done with today. I heard on the grapevine that she’s got a vacation coming up and she doesn’t want this to run over.”

Thirty minutes later, we were back in court, and Gracie had to look sorry.

“I apologize to the court and jury and to you, your Honor,” she said, sounding sincere. “I recognize that I behaved in an improper way. At the time, I believed it was the best way to demonstrate the defendant’s expertise and special bond with animals. I realize that I caused distress, and that was not my intention.”

“No more stunts, Counselor,” Judge Herschel said firmly, “or you will be spending more than an hour in the cells for contempt of court. You may continue. Are you ready for your closing arguments?”

“Yes, your Honor.”

“District Attorney Barclay?”

“Ready, your Honor.”

So this was it—final roll of the dice, and Barclay went first.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you have a very clear case in front of you: the law is the law, not the law according to Vincent Azzo. He broke the law. This isn’t a popularity contest.”

“Just as well for you, mate,” I interrupted with a grin, “because you’d lose, you mad muppet.”

The judge pointed a finger at me and I mimed zipping my lips.

But it didn’t count, because I’d crossed my fingers.

“He’s not a hero,” Barclay went on. “He’s an out-of-control vigilante who has shown no remorse for his actions.”

Yeah, well that part was probably true.

“He revels in his role as a rule-breaker.”

Also true.

“He has no respect for the law.”

Eh, that was going a bit far. It depended on which law.

Barclay blathered on, the boring fart, telling the jurors that I was an unsalvageable rebel, which I rather liked. I wondered how that would look on a t-shirt as a new Canine Crusader slogan.

Finally, he sat down with his arms crossed, as pleased as a pig in shit.

Then Gracie faced the jury, looking as serious as she was