bookshop,’ I tell her. ‘I’ll be able to move out when we get back from our trip.’
‘You’re not going anywhere,’ Greg says.
‘I am going somewhere. And Amy, I want you to come with me.’
Maybe it’s the light, but I don’t think it is. She looks unsure for second. One second of uncertainty tells me all I need to know. I can have her back if I change.
Greg pushes me then, just gently; just enough, and I fall backwards into a crowd that instinctively clears a space for me. I look up from my position on the floor at Amy, and she looks back down at me sadly. In those eyes I read something. I read that she wants me to change. If you change, her eyes are saying, I’ll come back.
I close my eyes to regain some balance and I feel hands pulling me upwards. I think it’s Amy helping, but when I open my eyes, it’s Rachel. ‘You want her back?’ she asks, and I tell her I do – I really, really do.
She leans in close, like she’s about to tell me the lost secret of love. ‘Then get up,’ she says quietly. ‘And stop being so pathetic.’
Rachel
you smell of apples
I’m definitely not in love with Henry anymore, and it’s a relief. He smells the same – peppermint and cedar and a hint of old books. He sounds the same – gentle and funny. But I don’t get that same feeling. I don’t think about kissing him. I’m not fixated on his hair. I’m cured.
You’re having a really bad week? I think after I leave him at the bar. A really bad week ends in death, Henry. I don’t know what’s happened to you this week, but unless it involves death, it’s really not that bad.
Lola and Hiroko are onstage. I focus on them to take my mind off Henry. They’re playing a cover of Cat Power’s ‘Good Woman’. They’ve made it their own with Lola’s blue gravel voice and the sweet steel of Hiroko’s percussion. Hiroko’s taller than Lola, not shy but quiet. They finished each other’s sentences in Year 9, but tonight they’re speaking separately – their lines of music circle and add to the other. They’re starring in a dream up there, and I’m happy for them, but I can’t help wondering why some people get what they want and why some people don’t.
I take a photograph and send it to Rose; I send it to Mum, too, because a text means I can get away with not calling her tonight. She’ll be at the beach by now, and I don’t want to hear the ocean in the background. I turn off my phone and get lost in the music and the light-spattered club.
The set ends after a while. Lola and Hiroko climb down from the stage. Lola takes Hiroko’s water bottle, drinks from it, and hands it back to her. ‘Thank you,’ Hiroko says.
‘You’re welcome,’ Lola tells her, then turns to me and points at the bar. ‘Henry’s drinking.’
‘He’s having a bad week,’ I tell her.
‘Amy dumped him and now they’re not going overseas and she’s here somewhere with Greg Smith.’
‘Amy dumped him?’ I ask.
‘Amy’s always dumping him,’ Hiroko says, and Lola confirms it’s a regular occurrence.
‘We’ve got more sets to play,’ she says ‘so you need to look after him. If you still want me to forgive you, that is.’
‘I feel like I’m being manipulated.’
‘That’s only because you are,’ Hiroko says.
They get back on stage to talk about the next set, and I push my way through the crowd. Henry’s gone by the time I get to the bar but I look around and locate him stumbling across towards Amy.
‘I think Shakespeare might need some help,’ the girl behind the bar says, and puts out her hand. ‘I’m Katia.’
‘Rachel,’ I say, slightly distracted by her sheen of pink hair.
‘I know. Shakespeare told me about you,’ she says, opening and closing her hands, imitating Henry’s mouth going on and on about me. ‘He missed you,’ she tells me, and I like the thought. I really like the thought of him telling Katia just how much he missed me.
‘Amy’s no good for him,’ Katia says as we watch him rambling on in front of her and Greg. ‘He’s a nice guy. He tutored me for free in English.’
Henry is a nice guy. He might be hopelessly in love with a girl I don’t like. He might have been a coward three years ago. But apart