plucked out fragments of kernel and tossed them into his mouth.
“Just tell her who Mrs. O’Dea is,” Isaac said, dealing the cards.
“It will upset her. It’s a betrayal.”
“The woman has nothing to do with you.”
“That’s not the point. If Cassandra learns the truth, she’ll be devastated.”
But neither did he want her to think Mrs. O’Dea was his lover. She had not cared before, back when they were strangers, but shared nakedness tended to change things. Heaven knew, he could not imagine even looking at another woman now, and the thought of her looking at another man…
If only he had told Cassandra that earlier.
When Isaac had dealt out the whole pack, they picked up their hands. Joshua had no idea what game they were playing, but he sorted the cards anyway.
Isaac put down a card. “You might think you are protecting her, but she’ll be hurt one way or another,” he said. “I think she’s strong enough to take the truth.”
“When did you become an expert on my wife?”
Joshua still had no idea what game they were playing. He tossed down a random card. Isaac didn’t object, so he must have done something right.
“Lucy says Cassandra works all day,” Isaac went on. “Running the estate, the household, visiting neighbors, looking after everyone in the parish, by the sound of it. She hardly has a moment for herself, or for them. Always busy, apparently.”
He had not known that about Cassandra. And yet—she had told him. How did he know things and yet not know them? What tricks his mind played.
“She need not do that,” Joshua said. “She has enough money to hire others.”
“Maybe that’s not what she needs.”
“Maybe you should shut up about things you don’t understand.”
Isaac tossed down another card. Joshua was good at seeing patterns but he had no idea what all these cards were about, so he chose another one at random.
“What’s the problem with their mother, anyway?” Isaac asked. “Lady Charles.”
“She’s unwell.”
“With what?”
Joshua didn’t know that either. He didn’t want to know. Go around asking people questions about their mothers and who knew what could happen. But he should know. He should be up there now, telling her about Mrs. O’Dea, breaking her heart. She would be upset, and he would comfort her, and she would expect to make love. He could not bear to make love to her tonight, and he could not bear to stay away.
Selfish coward. He hated himself, but his heart had already been broken today, and that was enough for them both.
Isaac didn’t press for an answer and they kept throwing down random cards until their hands were empty and Isaac shuffled again. It was not an exciting game, but it suited his mood perfectly.
“I found Mother and Miriam,” Joshua said abruptly.
Isaac’s hands jerked and cards flew everywhere. “You what? Where are they?”
“They don’t want to be found. I looked for them some years ago. After Rachel died.”
“And?”
“The investigator passed on a message from Mother. She said she and Miriam were well and did not want any contact with any of us.”
“Why would she? What about us? I only wanted…Damn.” Isaac shoved back his chair so roughly the table shook. He limped over to the sideboard and got another drink. Isaac drank a lot, now Joshua thought of it, and he wondered if he should say something. Cassandra would know.
“Miriam is eighteen and I would not recognize her, or even my own mother,” Isaac said. “What a bastard.”
“Who? Me or you?”
With a short, joyless laugh, Isaac shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You seemed hopeful. I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Isaac was staring at nothing. “Do you still think I should tell Cassandra about Mrs. O’Dea?”
“You don’t want her thinking badly of you?”
And there it was. Joshua would break Cassandra’s heart and sully her memories of her father because he could not bear that she thought badly of him.
“Right. That’s that, then,” Isaac said, after a long silence. “This matter with Lord B. is almost over and no family to look for…I guess it’s time to move on.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Stay, then. There’s plenty of room and if you want a job or anything…” He didn’t know what to say. “Cassandra likes having you around.”
It was rubbish, but Isaac seemed to understand. He nodded, perhaps he even smiled, and that was settled.
Joshua willed himself to stand on legs that were too heavy. Too many memories and dreams haunted him and a hollow dread churned in the pit of