forgive her dad.
Someone was coming over. Miss Hall, the deputy head, in her black suit, her tired eyes. Striding past the kids, who scattered and broke up like mercury. Was she in trouble?
‘Cassie.’
‘I . . . I haven’t done anything.’
In the background, Amira rolled her eyes. Cassie saw that, registered it. Amira had never done that before, not to her. They rolled their eyes at other people.
Miss Hall said, ‘Cassie, I think you should come with me.’
Sitting in the nurse’s office, with its crinkly exam couch and smell of plasters and lollies, waiting for her mother to pick her up, Cassie found herself reliving it. That night, and all the different things that had happened. Things that her mother didn’t even know about.
‘He sounds like a total prick.’ That was what Jake had said, when she’d finished telling him about Aaron.
‘He’s top of all his classes. Oxbridge stream.’
‘Oxbridge stream,’ mimicked Jake. ‘Since when does that make someone not a tosser? Look at this lot.’ He and Cassie were back in the swing seat, with the bottle of wine Cassie had pilfered while her parents were busy fussing over their guests. Would anyone like an amuse-bouche? Or even some crisps? Dinner’s a little held up, sorry. Cassie’s mum was so anxious all the time. For someone who didn’t really work, she seemed mega stressed. Who cared what time dinner was at? It wasn’t even dark yet. The grown-ups, six of them, were sitting round the wooden picnic table. On one bench were Callum and Jodi, like a massive marshmallow. On the other were her parents, her mum looking round her anxiously every few minutes, at the kitchen, or at Cassie, or the living room where Benji was playing Xbox. Bill, who was a cool guy, was sitting on a chair at one end and Karen was at the other. She’d dragged over a stool and her legs were propped on it. She’d changed since earlier. Instead of jeans she had on a black jersey dress, a bit like something Cassie might wear. On one of her legs there was a bruise that looked fresh.
‘So this what’s-his-name . . .’
‘Aaron.’
‘Whatevs. Have you done it yet?’
Cassie said nothing for a minute. ‘Not really. Nearly.’
‘But not?’
‘He wants to.’
‘And you?’
She shrugged. ‘I’m old enough. Everyone else has.’
‘That’s not a good reason.’
‘You can talk, you big old virgin.’
Jake drank some of the wine, making a face. ‘Well, I don’t want to just shag the first girl who’ll do it. I’m not an animal. I want someone I can talk to, so it won’t be awkward and shit and a mess. Someone older would be better. That Swedish woman Bill lives with . . .’
‘She’s like fifty! Gross! Anyway, they broke up.’
‘Shame. She was cool; I remember from the wedding they came to.’
Cassie picked at something on her ankle. An ingrown hair. ‘I should do it. Get it over with. It’s not really fair, we’ve been going out for months.’
Jake had looked so angry then. ‘Fuck’s sake, Cass. Do you never listen to anything your mum says? If you do it and you don’t want to it’s rape.’
‘It’s not rape! For God’s sake.’
‘It is, if you don’t want it. So make sure you want it. Anyway, I bet it would be rubbish.’
‘Because you know so much.’
‘I read stuff. Blogs. Books. I’m educating myself ready to meet a hot older student. Maybe a tutor, who knows.’
‘Gross,’ she said, but she’d made her voice cold and distant, like her mother when she was pissed off with Dad. Jake nudged her with his foot.
‘Hey, Cass. I mean it. You’re awesome. You deserve someone who isn’t a prick, and I don’t care if he’s going to bloody Oxbridge. Fuck’s sake. That’s not even a thing. OK?’
‘OK,’ she said, still distant. ‘Maybe you’re right, Virgin Man.’
Bloody Jake. He’d ruined it for her, the tentative feeling of excitement she’d held in her stomach all through the boring-ass dinner. They might think they were so old and smart, but she was going to have sex that night. She had a boy, a cute and successful boy, who was going to wait for her in the woods and they were going to do it. But then Jake had started with his Don’t do it, he’s forcing you, and it was nearly all ruined.
Cassie was able to sneak downstairs with no trouble. She’d heard her mother go to bed ages before, pissed probably. Benji was fast asleep and so was the annoying pregnant Jodi. The door