surrounded the courthouse, stooping down. This young man I’d seen born, close as a cousin to my kids, and he was staring at us with naked hate. He was still wearing his black hoody and jeans. And my Cassie, my golden girl, was running towards him. ‘Jake! Please!’
He was turning away from her. ‘We shouldn’t talk.’
‘But we can still . . .’
‘No. We can’t.’ He actually pushed her, his rough hand on her slender arm, and in that moment I wanted to hurt him. My godson, practically a nephew, and yet a spurt of rage boiled up in me.
Cassie stood watching him go, rubbing her arm in a kind of wonder, as he scuttled through the glass court door.
‘Are you OK, darling? Did he hurt you?’
‘He didn’t want to talk to me.’
‘He’s just upset. This is very upsetting for everyone.’
‘But me and him . . . I don’t understand, Mum! I don’t understand what’s going on!’
I put my arm around her, and for once she let me. ‘It’s going to be OK. This will all get sorted out very soon.’
I wished I believed it.
The court dazzled me. There was a glass panel in the roof and fractals of light fell on us as we took our seats. Karen and Jake were across from us. He held her hand tight in his, and both of them looked straight over our heads. I could feel Cassie quiver beside me, and I took her hand too. She held it for a moment, then dropped it. Anna McCrum was on the lawyers’ bench. There too was DC Adam Devine, looking about twelve in his suit. Movement in the dock. It was Mike. It was my husband, but in that moment he looked like a stranger, pale-faced and old. He caught my eye, pleading, and I couldn’t bear it. He looked terrified. Cassie stifled a sob.
‘All rise!’
Everyone got to their feet, and so did I, stumbling.
It was time.
It was all over so quickly. It was confirmed that the case would be sent to the Crown Court. Anna made the application for bail and though I held my breath, it was granted. There was no horror or shock in the court. It seemed this was an everyday occurrence, and I supposed it was. Lives being shattered were par for the course in this place. Cassie turned to me, whispering shakily as we stood. ‘He’s coming home?’
‘Yes. He’ll meet us out front.’ Though what I would say to him, I had no idea.
When we walked out, I saw the reporters. Not many of them, but a small cluster. At first I didn’t understand why they were there – was someone famous on trial? – and then I got it. It was me. I was suddenly the news.
‘Ali!’ shouted one. ‘Ali, can we have a statement?’
‘Just keep walking.’ I directed Cassie to the door. My heart was hammering. It goes against every instinct to ignore people calling your name, refuse to look them in the face. Mike was standing in the lobby, under the swirl of light. I couldn’t see his face. The moment I’d worried about, confronting him, was swallowed up in fear. I had to get Cassie out of here.
‘What’s going on?’ I heard him say.
‘The press are on it. Because of – because of my profile. Come on. We’re parked round the corner.’
He put his arm around Cassie, shielding her, and she shrugged him off. ‘Dad, what’s going on? What did you do?’
‘Not now, darling, please. We’ll talk at home.’
Together we got our daughter out through the crowd, who were all the while shouting my name. I was panting, sweating into my heavy dress. I heard Mike say, ‘Jesus Christ,’ and then the court officers were pushing people back, clearing a path for us.
‘The car’s on London Road. Get her there!’ From the corner of my eye, I could see Karen and Jake standing on the road outside, by the bushes. She looked stooped, devastated, as if she’d aged ten years overnight. I wondered how they would travel home, if they’d have to get the Megabus again, or if they would stay in town. She spotted me, and I saw my name in her mouth. Calling out to me, maybe. Asking for help, or trying to explain herself. Part of me wanted to run to her, take her in my arms like she’d done for me so many times, get her away from all this. But I remembered what the police said about harassment. And