be the same as it was before, though, because she’d always be there to remind me of that pain.’
‘But you must think it would be nice to speak to your brother again. I can’t imagine what life would be like without Ewan or Lucy.’
‘Lucy? I’d almost forgotten you had a sister.’
‘She’s this big-shot theatre agent in New York; she doesn’t come home that often. It sounds mean, but it’s easy for people to forget her because she’s never here. I think sometimes people who’ve lived their whole lives in the bay and watched her grow up here forget she exists now that she’s gone.’
‘Is she like you?’
‘God no! When she plans to do something she makes a success of it. She’d never be suddenly unemployed with no money and living with her parents at the age of twenty-six.’
‘But you could go back to teaching?’
‘Everyone keeps saying that. Honestly? Probably. But I’m not sure I want to. There’s a reason I gave it up so willingly, even if that reason isn’t completely clear to me, and I think it’s because, really, teaching’s not what I’m meant for. And I say that with a heavy heart because I gave up a lot to try for something that ultimately turned out to be a complete waste of time.’
She settled back into his arms and contemplated the old plaster on his ceiling. It was cracked in many places, discoloured and crumbling, and she supposed that it was another thing he’d be replacing, but she kind of liked it the way it was. How many people had prayed and sang and found their peace beneath it during the years it had been a working chapel? And today, maybe, Sadie had found peace beneath it too. It felt that way right now, and even hearing Luke’s story at last didn’t put her off. If anything, it attracted her more strongly to him. He had a past, just like her – a complicated, messy past that would never fully be resolved, one where reminders would lurk around every corner. That made them the same, didn’t it?
‘Can I ask you something?’ he said.
‘Ask away.’
‘When I came to the waffle house yesterday – the second time – and you were with—’
‘Declan. Yes, we did used to be together and yes, I did once love him very much. Is that what you were going to ask me?’
Sadie rolled up to look at him again. There was no point in covering any of it up because even she knew that it was obvious to anyone who cared to look hard enough that she and Declan still had a connection too strong to deny. And even if she did deny it, the whole town knew their history – sooner or later Luke would get to hear it and then it would look much worse that she hadn’t set him straight when he’d asked.
‘Do you love him now?’
She flopped down again, her gaze going to the ceiling once more. ‘That’s a more complicated question than you might imagine.’
‘Is it?’
‘I love him, but it’s not like it was. We’re friends, best friends, and we care about each other. If he ever needed me I’d be there for him, and if I ever needed him he’d do the same. We’re on a different wavelength from the rest of the world, a special one just for us two; at least, that’s how it’s always felt for me.’
‘That sounds intense. I feel like the other man already.’
‘It’s not like that, not now. I can’t explain it. You can’t have the kind of connection we once had and not have any of that left behind when it ends. But he’s with Melissa now and they’re happy. They’re going to buy a house together and then I expect marriage will follow, and kids. He’s very traditional in that way – wants the whole set. Partly, that was what finished it for me and him in the end. He wanted to settle down but I didn’t.’
‘Do you regret that now?’
‘I didn’t at first; I was having too much fun – at least I thought I was. And then I did. But I decided I couldn’t change it so there was no point in regretting it.’
‘Sadie… I don’t know if I dare ask this. Where are we at now? It’s just, I promised myself I wouldn’t get too close, not after what happened with Jacob and Christa, and I tried, I really did. But then today happened and I feel I’m