think I’m ugly. I know I’m passably cute. I’ve got good hair and my complexion isn’t bad. I don’t have big blue eyes or long lashes but my eyes aren’t bad. I’m not exactly exciting or striking. Sawyer is perfect. It’s hard to believe he wants me sometimes.”
I turned away from her, afraid the incredulous expression on my face would tell her more than she needed to know. I wanted to tell her how her green eyes made guys want to defend her or the way her sweet pink lips were mesmerizing or how that one single dimple caused my pulse rate to soar. I wanted to point out how those long, tanned legs caused guys to trip over themselves and when she wore tight shirts I fought the urge to go cover her up so every male who saw her wouldn’t go home and jack-off with her image in their head. But I couldn’t say any of those things.
Forcing my expression to remain casual I glanced back at her. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Sawyer didn’t just choose you because of your looks.” That’s all I needed to say.
She sighed and leaned back on her hands. I had to turn my head away from her again before my eyes could zero in on her tits. I didn’t need to study them to know they were perfectly round, soft, plump, and tempting as hell.
“I’m not always good. I try really hard to be good. I want to be worthy of Sawyer, I really do, but it’s like there is this other me inside that is trying to get out. I fight it but I’m not good at it all the time. Sawyer has to keep me in line.”
Keep her in line? Wait . . . what? Shaking my head to clear my thoughts from how sweet her nipples would be, I forced myself to focus on what she was saying instead of how she would taste. She didn’t think she was good enough for Sawyer? Had Sawyer made her think something was wrong with her? Surely he didn’t know she felt this way.
“Ash, you’ve been nothing but perfect since you decided to grow up. Sure, you used to help me put frogs in people’s mail boxes but that girl’s gone. You wanted to be perfect and you achieved it.”
She laughed and sat back up. I chanced a glance over at her. The dimple was there as she gazed down at the water.
“If you only knew,” was all she said.
“Tell me.” The words are out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Why?”
Because I want you. Just you. The girl I know is in there, hiding from the world. I want my Ash back. I couldn’t say it like that. She’d see too much. I had to protect myself.
“Because I’d like to know you aren’t so perfect. I’d like to know the girl I once knew was still in there somewhere.”
She laughed again and pulled her legs up to rest her chin on.
“There’s no way I’m admitting all my faults to you. Considering most of them are just in my thoughts and I’ve never acted on them.”
“I’m not asking for your deep dark secrets, Ash. I just want to know what you could possibly do wrong that makes you feel Sawyer’s got to keep you in line.”
Her cheeks turned pink but she kept her eyes straight ahead. After a few minutes of silence I stood up and stretched.
“That’s fine. I don’t really need you to tell me how you don’t always remember to take the buggy back to the return place in the parking lot or you don’t make it to the nursing home every week.”
I started to walk away, angry at myself for sounding like a jerk.
“Those are things Sawyer has to help me remember . . . but I wasn’t exactly referring to them.”
She said it so softly I almost didn’t hear her. I stopped and turned back to her. She was peering up at me through her wet eyelashes.
“I’m just like any other teenage girl. I envy Nicole because she can be who she wants to be. I can’t. But it isn’t Sawyer’s fault. I’ve never been able to give in to those urges. My parents expect me to be good.”
“You want to be like Nicole?” I asked in horror. She laughed and shook her head.
“Not exactly. I don’t desire to vomit on myself and be carried inside my house drunk . . . or