way he’s looking at me. I either hit a nerve or an artery, and he clearly didn’t hear a word that I said after the Hannah thing. He has no rebuttal. And he clearly does not want me to continue talking.
So I open the door.
“If you leave now, don’t bother coming back,” he mutters.
“Fine. Don’t bother calling or texting me, because I won’t respond. It’s not my job to anymore.”
“Oh, and don’t worry—I’ll still give you a good letter of recommendation if you need one. About your administrative skills, I mean. Not as a fake girlfriend.”
I have no idea what Julianna Margulies would say in this situation on The Good Wife, but I let my middle finger do the talking for me.
I don’t slam the door shut, because there are at least five other people here today and also because there are dampers on all of the office doors to prevent them from slamming shut. But I have never wanted to slam a door so badly in my life. Or to throw a desk through a glass wall—or a lawyer.
Or to punch something.
At least I can go home and do that, thanks to the thoughtful asshole who gave me a punching bag for Christmas.
Merry fucking December 28th to me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
MADDIE: Hi.
DECLAN: Hi Piper.
MADDIE: Yeah. It’s me. I’ll delete this convo from her phone when we’re done. She’s here talking to my mom in the other room. Rough day, huh?
DECLAN: It’s not great. She okay?
MADDIE: I’ve never seen her this smad before, TBH.
DECLAN: I don’t know what TBH means. Or smad.
MADDIE: TBH=to be honest. Smad=sad and mad.
DECLAN: Ahh. I tried calling and texting her and going to her place after she left, but she won’t respond. I don’t blame her. I was a total asshole.
MADDIE: IMO she just needs time. IMO=in my opinion FYI. FYI=for your info.
DECLAN: LOL I do know what IMO and FYI stand for, thanks.
MADDIE: Oh cool.
DECLAN: I never wanted things to end up like this.
MADDIE: Neither did she. But it’s not my place to speak for her. Hey, so if you need someone else to go to the wedding with you and pretend to be your GF, I am available!!! LOLOL.
DECLAN: You’re a great kid, Piper. One day, some guy will be lucky to have you. When you’re twenty-five or so.
MADDIE: Maybe by then I’ll have boobs.
DECLAN: I cannot comfortably respond to that, sorry. But you’re great no matter what.
MADDIE: Well anyway. Maybe you should try her again tomorrow. Give her some time to cool down. Give yourself some time to cool down too?
DECLAN: You’re very wise. Except I have to go to Cleveland to be with my brother tomorrow morning. But I’ll try calling or texting.
MADDIE: Okay. And also, if Eddie needs a date let him know that I’m available too LOLOL JK but not really.
DECLAN: You got it. Take care. Don’t forget to delete this conversation.
MADDIE: I’ll do it now. See you later. I hope.
DECLAN: I hope so too. Have a happy new year.
MADDIE:
Thirty-Three
Declan
THE WORST MAN HOLIDAY
Everything in this suite at the Cleveland Ritz-Carlton is mocking me. The king-size bed that Maddie won’t be in when I return tonight. The view that I can’t look out at with her. The orchids that I know she’d love. I could be pleasuring Maddie Cooper under the rainforest shower head right now. Instead, I’m Googling “what to eat before drinking alcohol” and trying to order bananas, salmon, eggs, sweet potatoes, and hummus from in-room dining before Billy Boston and Irish Nolan show up to kidnap me.
“I have no idea what Korean pear juice tastes like,” I tell the moron on the other end of the line. It’s not his fault that I didn’t feel like eating on the plane. However, it is definitely his fault that the kitchen doesn’t stock Korean pear juice. “But I’m pretty sure that apple juice is not a comparable substitute. If drinking apple juice could prevent a hangover, then I’m pretty sure they’d just say that in the article, Raymond. Let me speak to your supervisor—you know what, never mind. I don’t want any of it. Cancel my order. This is horse shit.” I hang up the hotel phone, cursing Raymond, my life, the world, tomorrow’s inevitable hangover, and every single thing I said to Maddie in my office yesterday.
I don’t know why it hadn’t even occurred to me that she’d want to quit for any reason other than hating my guts. So as soon as she