the Ritz-Carlton. A suite.”
“I love that.” He strokes my hair like I’m an adorable, obedient puppy. “That’s good. You’re good. I want that.”
“Good.” I somehow manage to wrap my arms around his neck, but it takes a really long time and a lot of effort. “Dec?”
“Yeah.”
“Can we just get in bed and put on a movie and not move at all?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” He moves his head a little to kiss my boob, somewhere around my armpit area. “You’re amazing. I’m gonna help you up.”
“Thanks.”
He slowly sits up and slowly, very slowly, stands up with the help of the wall beside him. And then he helps me up and we take a few wobbly steps and then collapse onto the bed together. “I’m taking your shirt off though,” he says.
“I’m taking yours off too then,” I insist.
We take each other’s shirts off at the same time, and I wish someone were filming this so I can watch it later because I have no idea how we’re able to do this. We crawl up to the pillows, he finds the TV remote on the bedside table, and he turns on Gremlins. We both say, “I love this movie” at the same time and then turn to kiss each other and bump noses.
“Ow.” I rub my nose.
“Shit.” He rubs my nose. “We suck.”
“I’m actually really turned on by you right now.”
“Really?” His face lights up, and he places his hand on my hip.
“Yes, but if you touch any of my lady bits tonight, it will probably kill me.”
He rolls onto his back, groaning. “Mannaggia, Nonna! You cockblocker!” He shakes his fist in the air and then takes in a slow, shaky breath. “Yeah, it would kill me too. Rain check?”
“Rain checks.”
He holds his hand up for me to slap him five, and I do, gently. After a while, I say, “I had a really good time tonight though. I’m glad you made up with Brady and Hannah. Are you?”
“Yeah. Definitely. Thanks for making me slightly less terrible.”
“Always a pleasure.” I give him a nudge and ask him something that I’ve been dying to ask him for days. “Tell me about the tattoo on your arm,” I whisper. “It’s a swallow?”
“Yeah.”
“When’d you get it?”
“College. It was Hannah’s idea.” He moves his arm so I can see the flying bird on the inside of his bicep. “She got one on the back of her neck. So when I put my arm around her shoulder, they were touching. They’d match up.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Yeah. She said that swallows are a symbol of everlasting love and loyalty. Because swallows mate for life.”
I trace the edge of the tattoo with my fingertip. His muscles instinctively flex, and it’s adorable. I kiss the bird’s face. I use all my energy to move my body over enough to kiss Declan’s beautiful sad face.
“I’m sorry you were hurt by them.”
He shrugs. “I guess people can’t really help who they fall in love with…”
“No. I guess not.”
“To be honest, in some ways, I envy them for just doing what they want. Without thinking about the consequences.”
“Well, yeah. If it weren’t for people like them, all lawyers would be out of a job.”
I don’t hear him laughing, so I turn my head and instantly regret making a joke.
“Anyway,” he says without looking at me. “I went to get the tattoo removed, earlier this year. But the guy said it was a really good one and that he sometimes does swallows for people who think of them—all birds—as a symbol of freedom. So, I kept it.”
“Do you like being free?”
“I like being free for the right woman… I really like being free to pretend to be the right woman’s boyfriend.”
Oh, the words. Sometimes his words penetrate me like a big hard cock, and sometimes they kiss me gently on the lips. I kiss his tattoo again and roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.
“Cooper…” he whispers. It sounds like his eyes are closed.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t go back to your room tonight.”
“I have to.”
“No you don’t.”
“Fine. But only because I can’t move. Just promise me you won’t say anything else that will make me like you.”
“You know I can’t promise that. Everything I say makes you like me, Coop.”
Mannaggia, Declan Cannavale. I don’t know for sure what mannaggia means, but he’s right.
“I can’t move my eyes, but imagine me rolling my eyes right now.”
“I can’t move my head, but imagine me kissing you right now.”
Mannaggia.
Twenty-Five
Declan
I’D HAVE A BLUE BALLS CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU
I remember when