a deep breath, somehow able to brush it back, but my train of thought is trashed.
I struggle to find the words. Struggle to piece it together.
I need to tell him I got fired, that I think Miranda and possibly Zoe got me fired, but that’s not what comes out of my mouth. “Don’t you think it’s odd that suddenly there are all these photos of you everywhere? Of me too. Putting both of us in the worst possible light?” Barstow had so many from that party, photos I haven’t seen anywhere else, but I’m flustered and tongue-tied and groggy. I don’t know how all of these pieces fit together, but I keep rambling. “It all somehow dovetails perfectly with this paternity issue that no one has gossiped about until now?”
As I say those words, my hazy theory that Miranda is somehow behind some, if not all, of what happened this week, grows stronger.
Rider scoffs. “What are you saying? That Miranda would deliberately try to wreck my career? That doesn’t make any sense. She loves the team, has always supported us. And she’s been nothing but kind since we parted ways.”
I bet she has.
His jaw tightens. “If anyone is behind the paternity scandal, it’s likely that tool Jason.”
It takes me a second to process that. “Wha—why would Jason have anything to do with this?” That dizzying sensation wraps around me again, and my knees almost buckle, but I manage to catch my balance.
He glares at me. “Why are you defending him?”
Outrage energizes me, and I stand taller. “I’m not defending him. I just don’t understand what he gains by disparaging you.”
“Are you kidding? He’s pissed because I banned him from our football parties.”
Jesus. I rub my pounding temple. “Rider, I know you think everyone is dying to attend your fucking parties, but they’re not, okay?”
His nostrils flare, and I know I’ve struck a nerve. I don’t meant to curse, to cast such vitriol, but the emotions whipping around inside me are volcanic.
“Why are you defending her?” I take a pained breath. “Are you… are you sleeping with her?”
He stills, his jaw tight. “Why would you think that?”
Not an answer. Or a denial.
The reasons rush at me, the hurt bubbling up in my chest. “During your press conference, you said you were single. I come over and you’re both clinging to each other in the doorway, and Miranda’s raking her fingers through your hair and giggling in your ear. When I called you earlier, you didn’t pick up. Because you were busy having dinner with her.”
I’m out of breath, the hurt coiling tighter as I recount all the ways he’s chosen her over me this week. Maybe longer. Maybe Zoe was right and he did cut ties with me freshman year so he could be with Miranda.
The more I think about it, the more tormented I feel.
He got borderline upset with me yesterday when I offered to help him with his homework. He was edgy and didn’t want to hang out. But he had enough time today to hang out with Miranda and grab a bite to eat.
The grooves in his forehead deepen. “How did you know I had dinner with her?”
At least he’s not denying it.
“Because I watched you from the parking lot.”
Eyes narrowing, he crosses his arms. “Were you fucking following me?”
“Yes, Rider,” I say sarcastically. “I have nothing better to do with my time than to follow you around town.”
“Because it sounds like you were following me.”
“Well, it looks like you’re cheating on me.” I wave my arms as my voice rises. “By the way, it must be nice to just hop in a car as expensive as hers and drive it around town. Do you drive all of your exes’ cars? Is my car the only one you haven’t driven yet?” I’m losing it, my control slipping with every screeching word out of my mouth. I’m out of breath and dizzy and sweating. I want to cry and rage that he seems to be choosing Miranda over me again.
When he doesn’t respond, I yell, “Say something!”
I feel like I’m standing over a sinkhole and watching the ground around me erode into the darkness.
His eyes glint with anger. “If that’s what you really think of me.”
My throat tightens, and I nod slowly. “So that’s it, then. You’re not going to explain?” What I mean to say is, You don’t care enough to explain? You’re just going to walk away like you always do.
He talks through clenched teeth. “You already