Upside Down (Breaking the Rules #3) - A.M. Madden Page 0,90
“That need came from here, Cooper. And I want us to pick up where we left off and forget this.” When he leaned in to kiss me, I kept it chaste and pulled away. I wasn’t there, and Ricky gave me the space with a firm nod. “Okay, where do we go from here? Tell me.”
“I think we have some loose ends to address before we can figure out what happens from here.”
Ricky
“I don’t have any loose ends.”
“Yes you do,” he challenged, and like an idiot, I stared at him. “I think it’s best I head back to Jersey to figure out my shit, and you stay here to figure out yours.”
“I’m confused.” I stood to pace the room. “I say I love you, and you think it’s best to leave?” I asked, frustrated beyond belief. Gripping the back of my neck, I stared at the ceiling and sighed. I’d just poured my soul out and hated it wasn’t enough. Fuck Corey. Cooper was the best thing to happen to me, and I refused to let that motherfucker ruin it. “What more do you want from me, Cooper?” No response forced me to look at him, and I wasn’t prepared to see him so exhausted.
“I want you to be a participant, Ricky, not a spectator.”
I stopped pacing and faced him head-on. “What the hell are you talking about? I’ve been in this with you since day one.”
It was Cooper’s turn to sigh as he stood. “Before we even began, yes, you’d been very vocal with your opinions—accusing me of living in denial, burying my head in the sand. It was easy for you to tell me what I should be doing, how I should be acting, when it didn’t involve you. It took months for me to slowly realize you were right. I had been in denial my entire life. And a bigger part of the puzzle was why I’d been so inexplicably drawn to you. But once I figured it all out, it didn’t take me long to accept my truth.
“And I didn’t hastily come to the decision that I wanted you. Yet when I said as much, you still questioned me at every turn. How could I be sure I wanted you? How could I so eagerly tell my parents? How could I be sure I was indeed gay? I attributed your doubts to your past, all while proving over and over again I was all in. Maybe my progress scared you? You no longer could put it all on me, blame my confusions, my denials.”
“You know why I needed to be sure that you were sure. I couldn’t handle another man using me as he experimented with his sexuality.”
“I get that,” he quickly responded. “But can you see the irony? After pushing me so hard to face my own insecurities, it was you who then went silent on me once we came together. And now, after months of silence, I’m still waiting for you to be present.”
“Fine, it took me long to admit it, but I’m telling you now I want us to work.”
“Okay? How? Tell me what you want happening between us.”
“Cooper. You yourself said you had loose ends to tie up.”
“And I do,” he admitted. “But that is my issue and my unfinished business. And it has nothing to do with us.” His eyes remained steadfast during his delivery. “What you need to do is figure out where you want us to go from here.”
“Where I want us to go from here?” I repeated, clearly not prepared for that question. Again, I stared at him, dumbfounded. “So the ball is in my court?”
“Hasn’t it always been in mine?”
“For obvious reasons. I’m gay. You weren’t. I can’t tell you to move here, Cooper. I can’t tell you to give up everything and face resentment down the road.”
“Using my situation as the excuse for every damn thing we’ve been through no longer flies with me, Ricky. Sure, none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t gone through my self-discovery, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s water under the bridge. I’ve proven I’m in. It’s time for you to grow a set and decide what it is you want out of this relationship.”
“And saying I love you doesn’t accomplish that?”
“No… it doesn’t. It’s about time you tell me what you want for us.”
He was putting it all on me. And maybe in a few months, I’d be able to tell him to give it all up for