I promised him.
“You don’t care now,” he corrected. “What if I choose you and the others, what if I give up my world, my family, my identity as a Rebel, and it doesn’t work out? You don’t choose me back?”
His words struck me hard. He’d clearly been thinking about this, because of the way he articulated his fear so clearly. “What are you talking about? Why would you give up your world?”
He shrugged. “I can’t go back and forth lightly.”
“No, this is about more than that,” I disagreed. “Is this about what Alfred said? When he talked about Arthur sealing the rips and there not being any magicians powerful enough to do it in this generation—he implied that you were powerful enough.”
Silas’s lips pursed.
“Busted,” I said.
“The rips keep getting worse,” he admitted. “I think it’s time to close the gaps between the worlds.”
“Didn’t Arthur die sealing the rips?”
“Sent into a sleep for millennia, until he’s needed again… which I mean, I think that window has opened a few times, so I don’t think he’s coming back.” He smiled at me confidently. “But I think I’ve got a better idea than Merlin. I’ll die to this world, but you’ll revive me in that one. Coma-free.”
“So you’ll never be able to go home.”
“You can see why the stakes are a little high for me personally,” he said.
“Silas, of course you’ll always belong with us—”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me something. When I say, what if I choose you and it doesn’t work out, well, that’s what I’m worrying about. But you can’t promise you—or Rafe or Jensen or the others—will want me. You can’t pity me into your family.”
“No one’s pitying you,” I said hotly. “You’re too much of a smug ass for anyone to pity you. But you’re also already part of my family.”
He was studying me curiously, his hand shoved into his pocket. I could tell he was tempted to trust me, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to believe what I was saying.
“Being a smug ass has never been a disqualifier from being one of my men,” I said, which at least made him smile.
“That’s true enough.” He murmured the words of his spell, and magic swirled around his fingers. “What color gown would you like, my lady?”
He was clearly done discussing the strange future that lay ahead.
I could see a vivid blue sea as the ocean sunk low on the horizon. “How about blue?”
“A gown made of stars or a gown made of waves?”
“Waves,” I said softly.
He began to run his hands over my hips, my body, his swirling magic turning into fabroc as it wrapped around my body.
“You know what’s interesting about waves,” I said, “is that they’re always the same water, no matter what form they take. The currents shape them, and we see the wave. But the sea inside is always the same, whatever shape it’s taking.”
“Either you’re bad at metaphors or I’m bad at getting the point.”
He made me smile. “I’m saying I’ve always known you, no matter what the shape of the wave was.”
“I see,” he said. “That’s…charming as ever, Maddie.”
“What makes it so hard for me you to trust that our love isn’t going anywhere?”
“A lifetime of training.” He moved my hair and kissed my throat. “And yet, maybe that training is failing me now. For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted. “You just told me you don’t want promises. If there’s another way you save your world, if you don’t have to sacrifice your place in this one to save it… would you choose to come back to us?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know. I think my world needs me, my friends—”
“What if it was just your choice?” I whirled to face him, yanking the fabric of my skirt out of his hands. “Would you choose us?”
“I don’t want any promises,” he said carefully, “And I don’t know if I want to make any myself.”
Those words hurt, and yet they didn’t make me want him any less.
“Well, Silas,” I said. “Maybe I don’t need your promises. Maybe I just need you.”
Those bright green eyes met mine—the eyes I’d recognize anywhere, through any disguise. I’d like to think I’d always know him.
Then his lips were on mine, his hands on my body.
And the funny thing was, that all felt like a promise, no matter that he couldn’t say the words.
Chapter Forty-Four
Rosemary
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