tearing as they re-formed around altered bones, of spitting out teeth and blood.
Suddenly, I was on my knees in the snow; Jensen stood over me. He was smiling, even though those golden eyes were sad.
No, I wasn’t on my knees. I was on my paws.
I’d changed.
And I hadn’t even felt it hurt.
He knelt, rubbing his hand over my head. “It’s good to see you, girl. I know Maddie misses you. Time to go back to sleep.”
The frosty air smelled delicious, and I wanted to run through the trees, to see the world and play. I whined, cocking my head at Jensen.
“I don’t think I can join you,” he admitted. “Try to change back. Picture a beautiful blond woman with freckles on her nose and a ridiculously smart mouth who should really be nicer to her boyfriends—”
I could see my own face in my mind. The world blurred.
Suddenly I was on my knees on the blanket, and the next second I glared up at Jensen, even as he rushed to help me get dressed. I was shivering so hard my back ached as I pulled my sweater back over my head.
“What?” he demanded, his face innocent. “I said you’re beautiful. Why are you glaring at me?”
“You wait until you hear how I describe you when I’m trying to get you back from your wolf.”
His face clouded, but he said, “Right.”
Before I could respond, he stepped behind me so I couldn’t see his expression, holding my coat out for me. I slipped it on and turned to take my gloves.
The two of us stared at each other as fat flakes of snow drifted down from the sky. I hoped he could shift, but it hadn’t worked before. I was sure Jensen hoped he had his wolf back even more than I wished for mine, because while I loved my bright-eyed wolf, she always resisted me. It was hard for me to shift. But he loved being the wolf.
When he used to struggle with being Jensen McCauley—Eliza’s brother, the dean’s son—at least he could escape into his other self. He’d told me that once, when I was curled up in his arms, my head tucked under his jaw. It was easier for him to whisper his secrets to me in the darkness.
I’d like to think he’d left much of the shame he used to feel in the past. But maybe it was still hard to be Jensen McCauley sometimes.
“I don’t want to try,” he confessed suddenly.
“I understand,” I said, stepping into him. I put my hands on his chest. It bothered me that I was the one who could change now, when I always used to struggle the most. “I wish I knew… I wish you were the one who could shift.”
He frowned. “Why? You love your wolf too.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never been very good at being a wolf.”
Those words felt weighty to me, but they just made Jensen smile. He pulled my gloved hands up to his chest, folding them inside his own. “Maybe you aren’t as good at shifting because you’re really good at other stuff, Sparklefingers.”
“But our wolves are the core of who we are. That’s why the packs are falling apart…”
He cocked an eyebrow doubtfully at the guilt in my voice, and I heard how ridiculous it was for the first time. Then he admitted, “I grew up thinking I’d be a wolf, that being a shifter was the core of my identity.”
“I thought the core of your identity was being the hot prick basketball player in your high school.”
“You make me sound so shallow and popular,” he said, before sighing. “And I was. It was great. But even though at the time, no matter how I said I wanted to let Eliza and Will be the heroes, I always knew I’d be a wolf. I couldn’t outrun that…destiny.” His lips quirked as if he found the word destiny ridiculous.
“It didn’t make you feel trapped?”
“It did,” he said, “but I also felt safe. People can be funny that way. We don’t always want to leave our prisons, even if we rattle the bars every now and then.”
“Now the packs have lost the core of their identity, and they’re struggling,” I said. “We’re all struggling.”
Jensen said, “Maybe the core of my identity is that I love your ass.”
“You are ridiculous, Jensen McCauley.” But it felt good to joke with him, because I’d worried he would resent me because I could shift and he couldn’t.
He waggled his eyebrows at me—only Jensen