hair and finally spoke. “I used to wonder, what the meaning of love is… and then I realized something. There is no meaning, no definition, for love. It’s simply a feeling, an unexplainable feeling that so few have. But I have that with you.”
Jared smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I couldn’t agree more.”
I let my hands drop into my lap. I was doing far too much fidgeting.
“If someone had told me six months ago, that I’d be in some random town, with a guy I’d only know a few months, I’d have told them they were crazy.” I shook my head. “It’s amazing how quickly everything can change.”
“It is,” Jared agreed. “But I’d say things have changed for the better, wouldn’t you?” he raised a brow, waiting for my reply.
“I would,” I undid the napkin that was wrapped around the fork and knife. “Things have definitely changed for the better… even the accident changed me for the better. Without it… I don’t if-”
“You don’t know if you’d ever have let me touch you?” Jared interjected.
“Yeah,” I nodded, sadly. “And I don’t know if I would have ever touched you.”
Jared nodded, staring into the green depths of his glass of Mountain Dew. “You would have,” he finally said, “it just would have taken a while. I want you to know,” he leaned across the table, his arms crossed and biceps bulging, “that I’ll never push you for more. I’ve told you before, but I’m going to say it again. You’re in control of this, Katy,” he wiggled his finger between the two of us. “Believe me, I want more with you, Katy. God,” he moaned, “I want all of you. But I will never push you for more. You set the pace.”
I swallowed, a blush spreading from cheeks down to my neck. My hands started to shake.
Jared Reed wanted all of me.
But he also wanted me to set the pace… That would be… difficult. I didn’t want Jared to be domineering… but sometimes I needed a little push. Like in the hospital, when he said he needed to touch me, or when he asked if I’d like to touch him.
I was afraid if he didn’t give me a nudge, we’d never move past just touching.
I guess I was just going to have to start taking the reins.
I could do this.
I could set the pace.
I could do more, with Jared… eventually.
“I can see the wheels turning in your head,” Jared said, with a chuckle.
“How?” I asked, picking apart the paper napkin.
“Your nose always scrunches and you squint your eyes when you’re thinking really hard about something,” he leaned back in the booth, the vinyl squeaking.
“Oh,” I said. Jared noticed way more than most guys did.
“It’s cute,” he added.
Our food came then and I welcomed the distraction. We chatted through our meal, the easy kind that you don’t have to force. I was finally feeling normal. Now that Jared knew the truth, a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I’d never felt so light and carefree, not even before my rape.
I now knew what living really means. It means you’re happy with yourself, your life, and those around you. It means you cherish every moment. You smile, you laugh, and you live in the moment. You just… are.
Jared and I left the diner and had barely walked three steps when it started to pour.
We made a dash for Jared’s car, but it was too late. We were already soaked.
I said, “Screw it,” and twirled around in the rain, letting it fall and glide down my body.
I heard Jared laugh but I didn’t care.
I held my arms out at my sides and let the water pelt me. The rain quickly formed puddles, which I was more than willing to splash in.
This was me, living in the moment.
I twirled.
I jumped.
I splashed.
I danced.
I lived.
I loved.
“What are you doing, kitten?” Jared asked.
I stopped spinning, and feeling a little dizzy, stumbled.
Jared reached out to steady me. I fell against him with a thump, pushing him back against the car.
“Whoa there, kittycat,” he chuckled.
I placed my palms flat against his chest, staring up into his impossibly beautiful brown eyes. His gray tee was plastered to his body and his heart thundered under my palm. I shivered, but not from the rain.
“Katy?” he whispered, tilting his head down to peer into my eyes. I watched a water droplet fall from the tip of his nose, to his lips, before falling off the end of his chin