and I jumped, “you aren’t old Katy or new Katy. You’re just… Katy.”
I pulled out of his arms and stood up. I wrapped my arms around myself and said, “Yeah… just Katy.”
~***~
Jared went back downstairs with Karlie, giving me time to compose myself.
I picked up my phone and saw a missed call from Sharon’s office.
Crap.
I smacked my forehead with my good hand and hit redial.
The person on the other end came on with their standard greeting.
“Hi, this is Katy Spencer. I missed my appointment with Sharon, yesterday,” I paced across the length of Jared’s bedroom.
“Oh, yes. Would you like to reschedule?” the woman asked.
“Do I need to?” I asked, halting my pacing.
“There’s no need, unless you want to,” she said in a pleasant voice. I’m pretty sure she probably went home and practiced it. No one sounded that sweet.
“I’ll just see her next week… but can you tell her that I’m okay and she doesn’t need to worry?” I asked.
“Of course,” the woman said before I hung up.
I tossed my phone on Jared’s bed and quickly followed suit. I stared up at the smooth white ceiling, looking for any kind of imperfection. I was full of them, but I couldn’t find any on the ceiling.
Preston had been the tipping point, but I’d already been cracking before he raped me, he’s just what shattered me completely.
“Hey,” Jared said softly.
I sat up to see him standing in the doorway. He leaned against the doorjamb, his arms, causing his shirt to tighten over his lean chest.
“You okay?” he asked. “You look like you’re still upset.”
“I’m fine,” I said, lying back down.
I heard his footsteps across the room and then the pressure of the bed going down as he lay next to me.
“What are you looking at?” he asked quizzically.
“The ceiling.”
He chuckled and warm tingles swam through my body at the sound. “I can see that, but why?”
I shrugged. “Looking for answers… something to prove to me that not everything is perfect.”
Jared snorted. “Nothing is perfect.” Some time passed before he raised himself up on his elbow to look at me. “What’s with your fixation with perfection? Of all people, you should know that no one is perfect. Perfection, is impossible… although,” he leaned close to me, brushing his thumb across my bottom lip, “these lips come pretty close.”
I let out a nervous laugh and Jared pulled away.
“I guess… most of the time, my life seems to be in constant chaos, while everyone else’s is smooth sailing,” I mumbled.
Jared chuckled. “Nothing, no one, and no life, is perfect, Katy. You know that. Everyone has problems but most people never open up about them. They tuck their problems away into neat little boxes and pretend they don’t exist.”
I forgot about the ceiling and rolled onto my side. I cupped my hands under my head and eyed Jared. “That’s what you do… it’s what I used to do. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to keep pretending it didn’t happen.”
Jared smiled. “Kitten, we both crossed that bridge when we told each other. We stopped filing it away. The truth is out there now, between the two of us and that can’t be undone. I had a shitty childhood. You had a shitty childhood. I was raped. You were raped.”
“How are you always so calm about it?” I asked.
Jared shrugged. “I’m older than you and I was younger when it happened. I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it. Not many people know the truth…” He paused, considering something. “Just me, you, and Dan.”
“That’s it?” I had just assumed that Patsy and Holden knew as well.
“Yep,” Jared nodded. “I don’t tell people, because it’s not exactly the kind of thing you tell just anyone,” he rubbed his face. “Dan pried it out of me and I swore him to secrecy. I know it would break Patsy’s heart if she… if she knew the truth. I mean, she knows about the beatings, but not the… other thing. I know Holden could handle the truth, but he doesn’t need to know. As for Karlie, she’s only sixteen and she believes in the good of the world, if I told her the whole truth, it would shatter that image. Knowing that I was abused and that our mother was murdered is enough. She doesn’t need to know what else was done to me.”
“Why tell me? Deal or no deal, you didn’t have to tell me.” I watched his chest rise and fall