world … but I doubt it.
CHAPTER 10
Sarah knew.
She could tell by looking when I came in that night, she reckoned. She told me right away, when I tried to slip past her on my way down the hall to Rube’s and my room.
It was funny.
Unbelievable.
How could she be so sure — so sure that when I came in, she could stop me and shove her hand to my heart and say with a grin and a whisper, “Tell me, Cameron. What’s the name of the girl who can make your heart beat this fast?”
I grinned back, shocked and shy, amazed.
“No one,” I denied.
“Huh,” and a short laugh.
Huh.
That was all she said, as she took her hand off me and turned away, still smiling.
“Good for you, Cameron.” That was what she said as she walked away. She faced me, one last time. “You deserve it. You really do, I mean it.”
She left me to stand there, remembering what happened right after the slabs of sky fell down around me.
For a while, Octavia and I remained on the bench, as the air grew colder. Only when she started shivering did we stand up and walk back to her house. At one point, her fingers touched mine, and she held on just faintly.
Before she went in, she said, “I’ll be down the harbor on Sunday, if you feel like coming. I’ll be there around noon.”
“Okay,” I replied, already imagining myself standing there, watching her play the harmonica with people throwing money onto her jacket. Bright blue sky. Climbing clouds. The hands of the sun, reaching down. I could see all of it.
“And Cameron?” she asked.
I returned from my vision.
“I’ll wait for you.” She let her eyes hit the ground and arrive again, in mine. “You know what I mean?” I nodded, slowly.
She would wait for me, to talk, and to be with her the way I could be. I guess we could only hope it would just be a matter of t
“Thanks,” I said, and rather than let me watch her go inside, Octavia stayed at the gate and waved each time I turned around for one last glimpse of her. With every turn, I whispered, “Bye Octavia,” until I was around the corner, on my own again.
Memories of the ride home are shaded by the haziness of a train ride at night. The clacking of the train rolling and turning over the tracks still rides through me. It gives me a vision of myself sitting there, traveling back to where I came from, but a place that would no longer be the same.
It was strange how Sarah could sense it immediately.
She could see the change in me straight away, in the way I existed in our house. Maybe I moved or spoke differently, I didn’t know. I was different, though.
I had my words.
I had Octavia.
In a way, it seemed like I wasn’t pleading with myself anymore. I wasn’t begging for those scraps of alrightness. I just told myself to be patient, because, finally, I was standing somewhere close to where I wanted to be. I’d fought for this, and now I was nearly there.
Much later in the night, Rube came home and collapsed like always into bed.
Shoes still on.
Shirt half-undone.
There was a slight smell of beer, smoke, and his usual cheap cologne that he didn’t need because the girls fell over him anyway.
Loud breathing. Smiling sleep.
It was typical Rube. Typical Friday night.
He also left the light on, as always, so I had to get up and switch it off.
We both knew good and well that Dad would be waking us in the morning when it was still dark. I also knew that Rube would get up, and he’d look rough and tired and yet still pretty damn good. He had a way of doing that, my brother, which annoyed the absolute hell out of me.
As I lay there, across from him, I wondered what he would say when he found out about Octavia and me. I went through a whole list of possibilities, because Rube was likely to say anything, depending on what was happening at the time, what had previously happened, and what was going to happen next. Some of the things I thought of were:
He’d slap me hard across the back of the head and say, “What the hell are y’ thinking, Cam?” Another slap. “Y’ don’t do that sort of thing with y’ brother’s old girlfriend!” Another slap, and one more, just in case.
Then again, he might just shrug.