anyway, whether I’m an asshole or not, and trust me, there’s no mistaking that I am.”
Gabriella didn’t acknowledge her words. “You also don’t get to wander in and out of my life whenever it suits you. I’m putting an end to that now. You don’t get to hear how my day was, or what I’m thinking or feeling, and maybe you don’t even care.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Totally fine. But you’re the one who’s missing out, because I have a lot to give.” Her voice cracked on that last part, and her face crumpled.
Ryan felt those words to her core. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak, but she understood that the best parts of her life were slipping through her fingers, and there was nothing she could do to change any of it. Just get through this part. Just get through this part. “I know that,” she said. “You’re wonderful.”
“But not enough.”
“Of course you’re enough. But maybe I’m not the person for you. I’m not good at sitting around and hoping I am, and I fear that would be my existence.”
“I guess you’re not. Because my person? They don’t just walk away when things get hard, when they get a taste of something that maybe requires some work or patience or a little understanding. So I think we’re in agreement there.”
Even in the dim lighting, she could see Gabriella’s eyes flash new fire. She wasn’t just hurt, she was angry. Ryan was, too, at so many things. Herself for her behavior, Gabriella for representing something she desperately wanted but was too afraid to hold on to, the universe for not equipping her to fight for what she wanted even if it felt like a losing battle.
She raised her shoulders and dropped them. “You are right about all of that. There’s nothing I can say.”
“That’s okay.” Gabriella took a step back. “I didn’t come here for you to talk. I wanted you to listen, so that maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize that you missed out.” She gestured around her. “But I’ll leave you to your world the way I found it. The way you like it. Out here all on your own.” She shook her head. “What a shame.”
The truth of those words nearly took Ryan down. She forgot to inhale as the startlingly accurate declaration smothered her. She watched Gabriella Russo, the only woman she’d ever loved, stalk to her Jeep and drive off into the night and right out of Ryan’s life for good, looking damn beautiful in the process.
Chapter Twenty
As for beer, there’d been three. Turns around the dance floor, four. Number of times she got that sinking feeling she couldn’t shake? Too many to count.
Ryan was out for the first time in a month, and though it felt a little strange to be in the middle of a crowd of people, she also found it weirdly comforting to slide back into her old persona and hide behind that mask while sitting at the bar at the Scoot, catching up with whoever strolled by. Midsummer brought with it warmer temperatures, which made the throngs of people a little more noticeable as they packed into the place on a rowdy Friday night. The bar was beyond busy, the music loud, and the dance floor crowded as hell. All things Ryan loved. At least, she used to. Her goal was to recapture a little of that life, in the hope that she’d find her footing yet again.
Simply existing wasn’t as easy as Ryan had hoped.
She’d been moving through her days on automatic pilot. Wake, run, work, and repeat. She’d avoided the common areas of Whisper Wall, and unfollowed the Biddies’ Instagram account so she wasn’t bombarded with town gossip and photos, especially when she was likely a subject. But Ryan was hurting and afraid of how much further she’d sink if she stayed home any longer. She had no idea what was going on in Gabriella’s life, and that left her feeling adrift and sad. Joey had paid her for the work she’d done at Tangled, and that left her daily ties to Gabriella firmly cut. For all Ryan knew, she and Madison had ridden off into the sunset together, or maybe Gabriella had Ryan’s face on a dartboard. Maybe a one-two combo of both.
“What are you all sour about tonight?” Patsy asked. “Glaring at the liquor on the wall. Lips rolled in. It’s not your best look.”
Ryan forced herself out of it, sat back,