Twisted Love (Modern Romance #3) - Piper Lawson Page 0,54

her to be exposed to the world in case she leaves like Vi did.

But I don’t want to keep this secret anymore.

“Not my first time. But one time, yes. Sex can be important,” I admit, and her eyes brighten. “It can change everything.”

“You mean like sex with Ben.” She jumps on it, and I sigh.

“Yes. Like sex with Ben.”

The entire way back from the Vineyard, it was all I could think about, even with him next to me.

I’m still shivering.

Lily’s eyes are bright with excitement as she runs forward, grabbing my arms. “This is amazing. You realize that.”

Her enthusiasm has me biting my cheek. “It’s complicated, because this weekend wasn’t the first time Ben and I slept together."

My sister shakes her head in confusion. “Wait. What the hell are you talking about?”

"Ben and I slept together once in college. Only…he didn't know it was me."

I don’t know if I expected hearing the words aloud would set me free. If I did, it doesn’t happen. But Lily was honest with me. I'm going to be honest with her.

Her disbelief is nothing compared to the feelings that rise up, the ones I always try to shove down.

“How much did I tell you about when Vi left?”

“Not much.”

I sink into the couch at one end of my office, and Lil drops to the edge of the chair facing it.

"Even though we were different, we’d always gotten along when it mattered. We were both excited about school—I thought for the same reasons. I wanted to be independent, make my own way. But in college, she was an attention-seeking missile.” I remember her with boys, at parties, even with professors. It was as if she could flirt her way to As. “I called her out on it one night during finals. She was going to a party instead of studying the night before her biggest exam. I said she wasn’t being herself and no one would see her for who she was. She told me that was who she was.”

She’d also said some choice things about me—that I was envious and couldn’t possibly understand how important fitting in was.

My throat tightens as I continue. “She accused me of judging her for the fact that she'd rather party than study. Which I suppose I was, but at the time, it only made sense. Why would you pay tuition to go to school when you didn’t even care about the education? She told me she’d wanted to travel, to meet people and find herself, and she could find work anywhere along the way, but she’d gone to Columbia because I wanted to and I couldn’t do it without her.

“I said that was bullshit. But she said I couldn’t possibly know what it was like to be her because I didn’t know her. That it wasn’t what she wore or how she acted that made us different. That we were fundamentally growing apart. I hated that thought," I admit.

"She stormed off that night. I thought I'd give her way a try. I was angry. I borrowed her clothes, her makeup, did everything I could to look like her. Which wasn't that hard when we had the same hair. I went to a bar intending to get drunk. That’s when I ran into Ben."

Lily wraps her arms around herself, absorbed in my words. “You guys were friends already."

“Not really. We'd hung out a few times, and I liked spending time with him." My lips curve at the memory. "He was smart and had this unapologetic 'I'm going to take over the world' thing I envied. But Vi had a crush on him, which meant I stayed away. As far as I knew, she’d never made any progress though, so I didn’t expect him to notice me. But he spotted me that night, came right over. I didn't know he thought I was her. I didn't know until we were in his car together."

The next breath is hard, made harder by the look of dread on Lily's face.

"I didn't know until he said her name instead of mine."

Her hand goes to her mouth.

The shock is all hers, but the ache, the hurt and rejection and hollowness...

It’s mine. I feel it as if it’s fresh.

"Vi left after that. Her things were gone by the end of the weekend, and I came home to a dorm room half cleared out.

“I avoided Ben at first, because I was hurt and embarrassed. But it wasn’t his fault. Not really. I’d wanted to be her.