work out with him.” She stopped, glanced back up at Vaughn and then dropped her eyes again, her voice even smaller now. “He’s restrained me too. At first I used to fight it but that just hurt more so, now I just let him get it out of his system.”
It was so hard talking about all of this. If she kept it locked up inside, part of her could almost believe that it wasn’t happening but now, talking about it openly and not just to Cole anymore when he was patching her up, to someone else of her own free will; that suddenly gave it all a life, made it become real and she was amazed at how calm and matter-of-fact she sounded. The numbness inside, her almost clinical delivery of the truth – she guessed that the years of abuse had done that to her and she hadn’t realised quite how accustomed to it all she had actually become.
On top of her leg she felt Vaughn’s hand stiffen and she could almost feel the anger that he was trying to hold in check.
“He broke one of my ribs once,” she continued, “- That was really painful. I had to pretend to everyone that I had fallen over on the ice during the mildest winter we had ever had and hope that no one realised that there actually wasn’t any ice. I’m scared at how good I’ve got at lying, Vaughn. Apart from you, Cole is the only one who knows any of this. Everyone else believes I have a loving husband and a happy marriage. I’m not proud of lying but I can’t bear for everyone to know the truth. It’s too ugly. Sometimes, I even wonder if it’s all in my head, when everyone tells me how lucky I am to have Dale. I only have to look at my bruises though to realise how far off-base they all are.”
She looked into his eyes then and was surprised to see unshed tears in them.
“Hey..” she laid her palm onto his cheek “Don’t cry for me – I’m OK. I’m a big girl now and I’m used to it – I know how to handle Dale and his moods. It’s only on the odd occasion that he catches me off guard. I will leave him - one of these days I’m sure that I will - but whilst a tiny part of me still loves him, it’s not that easy. But I am also scared, Vaughn. Scared of what might happen if I leave. It’s all such a mess.”
Vaughn reached up and covered her hand with his so that they were both now cupping his cheek. His eyes bored into hers, his lashes moist where he had blinked away the tears.
“You still haven’t answered me, Elise” he said softly, “How far has it gone? How far has he pushed you? Sexually, Elise. How far? Has he ever forced himself on you? Made you do things that you didn’t want to do?”
Reluctantly, she nodded.
“Yes.” she whispered.
“Have you ever told him no?”
“Yes.” she whispered again.
“Did he carry on?” his voice was breaking as he asked questions that were clearly painful for both of them.
“Yes.” her voice was tiny, a mere hint of breath.
“Fucking bastard.” She flinched and Vaughn hissed in a breath.
“How far, Elise? How far has he gone?”
She paused, aware that she was now visibly trembling and no longer in control of her movements. She took a deep breath and locked her eyes onto his, knowing that after this there was no going back. Her voice faltered but her gaze remained steady, holding his as she revealed the true depths of her husband’s depravity.
“All the way...” she said quietly, slowly. “All the way.”
She was aware of Vaughn picking her up and carrying her into the spare bedroom, laying her gently onto the bed. She was wrung out, and now that Vaughn knew everything she realised that she felt completely safe with him. She only felt that with one other person in her life and just a few short nights ago she would have never considered that she could feel this way with him.
He had been silent since her last admission but she could see the cogs were well and truly working, the expression on his handsome face ever changing. There wasn’t really much else for either of them to say though; they both needed time to process and so she allowed the comfortable calm to continue, snuggling under the soft