us. It wasn’t moving either. For some reason I thought the pilot was looking right at us.
Sister Mary, still looking out, said, “The first words of the Order of St. Benedict are, ‘Listen, O child, and incline the ear of thy heart.’ To hear the still, small whisper of God, in both heart and mind, is what is needed for the vocation.”
“And the heart has its reasons,” I said, “which reason knows nothing of.”
She turned to me. “Pascal.”
“I’ve read a little bit.”
“You should read more.”
“So what’s your heart telling you?” I said. It suddenly seemed like the most important question in the world.
She seemed to sense the same thing. “God had a reason for me to be a nun.”
“Had?”
“I mean has.”
“Is that really what you mean?”
“I don’t care to be cross-examined on the way to court,” she said.
“Agreed,” I said. “When are you going to call Nick?”
“Later this afternoon.”
“Be sure to push that whisper-of-God thing on him. We need all the help we can get.”
109
THE NEWS CREWS were camped out on Temple, waiting for us.
Sister Mary grabbed my arm as we approached. She had her head down. Reporters started shouting questions.
I waved it off, told them there was nothing to see, have a nice day. One of them almost got me in the face with his microphone and shouted, “What is the nature of your relationship?”
I just looked at this dipstick and said, “What is the nature of your intelligence?”
He blinked like he didn’t understand the question. Case closed.
Security held the barking dogs at bay at the entrance, and we got inside and through the detectors. There was a clear vibe in the air, like we were suddenly the center of attention for all of Los Angeles.
When we got off the elevator, the hallway outside Hughes’s courtroom was packed with court watchers. More than normal.
One of the county Safety Police guards, who keep order in the place, was waving her arms in a crowd-control gesture. It wasn’t working.
Sister Mary and I waded through and got to the doors, where another guard recognized me and let us in. The gallery was packed. We were just what I didn’t want to be now. A show.
110
KATE AND BABS were seated, and Kate gave me an encouraging smile.
Eric was brought in and unshackled. He touched my arm and said, “We did okay yesterday, right?”
“We did okay,” I said.
“I’m worried about Mom. She looks thinner.”
“I’ll look out for her,” I said. “Have you heard from your wife?”
“Let’s not talk about that,” he said.
I was fine with that.
Judge Hughes came in and called for the jury. As they filed in I felt a little like Paraguay when it plays the USA in an Olympic basketball game. Telling myself, Just hustle and try not to foul too much.
Radavich’s first witness was another expert, this one on suicides. Nice specialty. He was a psych from mid-Wilshire, named Dorsini. Fiftyish, brown hair, bushy mustache. The avuncular type. Juries love that. Radavich knew who to pick.
After the qualifications, which were excellent, Radavich got into the details that did not serve my suicide theme at all.
“Dr. Dorsini, you have studied how many suicides over the years?”
“Oh, well over a thousand cases, in varying degrees. The most significant are in my case book, which is required reading in many universities and medical schools.”
“How many of these suicides involved self-inflicted gunshot wounds?”
“Seventy-eight percent.”
“And how many of these self-inflicted gunshot wounds were by males?”
“Ninety-one percent.”
“How are most of these gunshot wounds administered?”
“Almost always through the mouth.”
“As was done in this case?”
“Yes.”
“In your opinion, does this case constitute a standard suicide scenario?”
“No.”
“Would you explain to the jury, please, the basis of your opinion.”
Dorsini turned to the jury. “The most crucial piece of evidence in a case like this comes from the hands, in the form of soot or powder. In some instances of suicide by handgun, the soot will be found not on the trigger hand, but on the off hand used to steady the muzzle. The soot would then be found on the palm of the hand, or on the radial surface of the index finger and palm, and the ulnar and palmar surface of the thumb.”
“Please demonstrate for the jury what you mean by ulnar and palmar,” Radavich said.
Dorsini did some pointing and explaining. Then Radavich said, “Was any such soot found on the left hand of the victim in this case?”
“No.”
“What does that tell you?”
“The size and intensity of the soot pattern is a matter of how close the muzzle of the