were right. And that pre-Christmas night on Hollywood Boulevard, they were. You don’t often get a six-foot-five Santa driving your beat.
The key part of the testimony came when Ms. Pincus asked, “And what did you observe?”
“The defendant, driving a Camaro, without his seat belt on.”
“Anything else?”
“He was wearing what appeared to be a Santa Claus hat, and no shirt.”
“And what did you do next?”
“I dropped behind him, and my partner activated the lights and we pulled him over just past Gower. I approached. The driver-side window was rolled down. I observed the defendant in the car and detected an alcoholic-beverage smell. I shined my flashlight in the car and saw an open bottle on the passenger side. When I asked the defendant if he had had anything to drink, he answered no, but his speech was slurred and his eyes were watery. That’s when I ordered him out of the car for the field sobriety tests.”
Kimberly Pincus turned to the judge. “As the only issue is reasonable suspicion to stop, Your Honor, that concludes my direct examination.”
“You may cross,” Judge Solomon said to me.
I almost didn’t hear her, as I was flipping fast through my copy of the vehicle code.
“Mr. Buchanan?” the judge said.
“If I may have just a moment, Your Honor.”
“Oh sure,” she said. “We don’t have anything else to do today.”
“Thank you,” I said, riffling. “Just one sec—”
And then I found it.
22
“OFFICER CALDWELL,” I said, “you stated that you observed the defendant driving without a seat belt, is that correct?”
“That’s right,” the officer said.
“You did not see any erratic driving, isn’t that true?”
“That’s correct.”
“In other words, you didn’t suspect that Mr. Richess might be driving under the influence, did you?”
“Not at the time of the stop, no.”
“In fact, it wasn’t until you had pulled him over and approached the car, and looked in the window, that you developed a suspicion of DUI, correct?”
“Correct. That’s the way it usually happens.”
“By the way, it is not illegal to drive without a shirt on, is it?”
“No.”
“Or wearing a Santa hat?”
Caldwell smiled. “Not that I know of.”
“So the only reason for the stop was for violation of the vehicle code, specifically the seat belt law.”
“Right.”
“Tell me, Officer Caldwell, how you could determine Mr. Richess wasn’t wearing a seat belt.”
“It was pretty easy,” he said. “The defendant is rather large, and without a shirt on, I could see there was no strap going across his body.”
“No shoulder strap?”
“That’s right.”
“And that’s when you decided to drop behind Mr. Richess and stop him.”
“Yes.”
“Thank you, Officer Caldwell. You’ve been most helpful this morning.”
The officer frowned, as if confused. I looked over at Kimberly Pincus. Her face was impassive.
“Do you have another witness?” Judge Solomon asked.
“None, Your Honor,” said Pincus.
“Mr. Buchanan?”
“No witnesses, Your Honor. I’m ready to argue the motion.”
“Well that’s nice,” Judge Solomon said. “I like it when someone is actually ready.”
What I heard the judge saying was that Ms. Kimberly Pincus had not been ready on some previous occasion. The judge was rubbing it in.
This was my moment.
23
KIMBERLY PINCUS SAID, “Your Honor, it is manifestly clear that Officer Caldwell observed a vehicle code violation. He therefore had probable cause to effect a stop. No warrant required in this instance, of course. So all the evidence observed subsequent to the stop is admissible. Maybe Mr. Buchanan will want to talk about settling now.”
“Excuse me, Your Honor,” I said. “But doesn’t Ms. Pincus know that I get to make an oral argument, too?”
“She was rather jumping the gun,” Judge Solomon said. “Isn’t that right, Ms. Pincus?”
The CDA said nothing. But I thought I saw steam rising. It was kind of cute.
“All right, Mr. Buchanan,” said the judge. “You have my attention. I’m curious to hear what you have on your plate. As I recall, Ms. Pincus said she would be eating your lunch.”
“With all the trimmings,” I said. “We are a nation of laws, Your Honor, and as such we believe that the laws passed by legislatures have meaning. The meaning is in the text itself. Where the text is clear and unambiguous, that is what we follow. If the legislature sees a need to change the text, they will. But we don’t do that on the trial level.”
“Thank you for the civics lesson, Mr. Buchanan,” Judge Solomon said. “Is this going anywhere?”
“Good question,” Kimberly Pincus said.
“I’ll handle the argument, Ms. Pincus, thank you very much,” the judge said. “Mr. Buchanan?”
“I quote, Your Honor, from the vehicle code, the exact text of the seat belt law: ‘A