out his briefcase, laptop, newspaper and raincoat across five of the six seats, as well as the little table. He has not looked over at me once.
‘Excuse me,’ I say to him. ‘I don’t suppose you saw the woman sitting here? Did she come past us just now?’
The man glances up, gives a single irritated shake of his head, and goes back to his laptop. I’m about to stand up, to walk down the carriage in search of her, when movement outside catches my eye. A figure hurrying past, right by my window. A blonde woman in a rust-coloured jacket.
Kathryn is walking away down the platform.
2
It takes a second to process what I’m seeing, to make sense of what my eyes are telling me. Is Kathryn suddenly ill? Confused? Is it a prank? Has someone taken her jacket, walked off the train wearing it?
No.
It’s her. Blonde hair swishing from side to side as she marches down the platform, hands thrust deep into the pockets of her jacket, head down as if she doesn’t want to make eye contact with anyone. I lean over to rap on the window as she passes, the glass cold against my knuckles, the move made awkward by the baby on my left side.
‘Hey!’ I shout, sensing other passengers turning towards me. ‘Kathryn! Hey!’
She looks up and our eyes meet for just a second, long enough for me to see the expression on her face, to notice the tears on her cheeks. She mouths a single word. Sorry. Then drops her gaze and hurries on, wiping her eyes and striding down the platform towards the barriers.
A second later and she’s out of sight.
An automated female voice comes over the speakers. ‘This train for London Marylebone only. Please take care of the closing doors.’
A handful of new passengers have boarded for the final stretch of the journey, hoisting bags into racks and looking for seats. The train doors slide shut with a hiss of finality. This isn’t supposed to be happening. It’s a mistake, some kind of misunderstanding. I was just going to hold Mia for a few minutes, give Kathryn a moment’s respite, then hand the baby back. I don’t really know how to look after—
Someone is talking to me.
‘Sorry, what?’ I turn to face a thin man in a black beanie hat standing next to my seat. ‘What were you saying?’
The man points a bony finger at the seat Kathryn has just vacated, her rucksack left behind next to it.
‘Is that free?’ He’s holding up all the other passengers trying to move down the carriage but seems oblivious.
‘She just had to make a phone call,’ I say. ‘She’s coming back in a minute. Sorry.’
He stares at me for a moment and then asks the same question of the red-faced businessman at the table opposite, who grunts a reluctant affirmative. The thin man settles himself into the seat, folding his long legs beneath him and taking a laptop out of his rucksack.
The hum of the engine rises as the train begins to move again. Rolling slowly at first, the platform at Seer Green starts to slide by, past a blue-painted steel fence separating the station from the car park beyond, massed ranks of vehicles side by side. Passengers carry bags and clutch tickets as they walk towards the station exit. I catch a glimpse of a couple of men shaking hands, two middle-aged women embracing; a station worker in a high-vis jacket; a man in a parka, a couple of teenagers walking in; a single figure in a raincoat. I stare out of the window, disbelief fogging my thoughts, as if the train might stop at any moment, as if the situation will put itself right if I just wait a few more seconds. The red-faced man across the aisle is glaring at me with undisguised irritation, his brows knitted together. I return his stare with one of my own, and he drops his eyes back to his laptop.
I throw one last look back at the platform. Perhaps Kathryn was meeting someone here. Then my view is blocked by trees as the train angles away from the station, picking up speed. For a split second I think about standing up and pulling the emergency cord before we’ve got too far out of the station. Is it a genuine emergency? Is anyone in danger? What’s the best thing for Mia?
The baby whimpers in my arms.
‘Shh,’ I say in a soft voice, rocking her gently. ‘Did I startle