obviously accessed the house through the back door Ben constantly left open. A shudder ran through her at the thought that he’d been here, in the very spot she was standing, with his son just a floor above him. Obviously he’d rooted through her things at the surgery. He really had known her, hadn’t he? Her rituals at least, her dependencies. Fury surging through her that she’d allowed such a despicable human being access to her and her family, she scooped the tablets up, thrusting them in the bin. She wouldn’t need those any more. Vitamins or amphetamines. She would make time for herself. She would be there for her children, but she would look after herself first. Eat sensibly, exercise. She was no good to anyone unless she was in possession of her faculties and fully functioning.
Finding Jake in the lounge, his hands thrust in his pockets, staring through the window, she took a breath. ‘We need to talk,’ she said.
He turned to face her, and her heart twisted. He looked utterly exhausted, jaded to his very bones. She wanted to go to him, hold him, have him hold her and make this all go away. But she couldn’t. It just wasn’t possible to close her eyes. She wasn’t sure it ever would be.
Jake’s gaze flicked up towards the bedrooms.
He was thinking about Ben overhearing, she guessed. ‘Outside?’ she suggested. The garden was big enough to allow them some privacy. It was her thinking place. She would be able to get her thoughts in better order there.
The evening was mild, the piquant smell of newly mown grass fresh on the air. It was a beautiful garden, a tranquil place. Emily had been so glad her demons had allowed her to overcome her fears and live here. Would she be able to in future? Her heart wrenched painfully again at the thought that she might have to leave her home, leaving her only good memories behind. She’d had no plans to.
Waiting until they were well out of earshot of the house, she broached the most urgent subject first. ‘Ben’s wondering whether he should go to the police,’ she said.
She felt Jake’s gaze snap to hers. ‘Did he say he’d caused the fire on purpose?’
She shook her head. ‘He says he went there because Millie told him she thought you were there, that I’d followed you. He said he saw us come out. That he wasn’t thinking about anything other than confronting him. What he planned to do then …’
Jake nodded.
Glancing at him, Emily could see his uncertainty; that his thinking was on a par with hers: that Ben might have gone to the garage intending to do what he did, despite his denial.
‘Do you want him to?’ he asked.
‘No,’ Emily answered honestly. ‘But if he can’t live with his conscience … I misjudged him,’ she admitted. ‘I imagined his genes might make him the cold, unfeeling person his father was. I was wrong. His volatility is more to do with rampant teenage hormones and his world falling apart around him. That’s my fault, not Ben’s.’
‘You can’t blame yourself, Emily,’ Jake said forcefully. ‘I wasn’t here. I should have been.’
She didn’t pursue it, though she might have done, because he was right: he hadn’t been. Raking over old coals wouldn’t achieve anything, though. She needed to let go of all the guilt and the negativity and move forward. ‘Will you support him? If he chooses to go to the police, will you be there for him?’
Jake didn’t hesitate. ‘He’s my son,’ he said adamantly. ‘As long as he wants me to be, I’ll always be there for him.’
Emily closed her eyes, breathing in the clean air, listening to the soft lap of the mill stream as they walked towards it. ‘I tried to save her,’ she said, stopping on the bank. ‘My sister, I tried to save her. I couldn’t.’
I’m sorry, sweetheart. We’ll be together again one day, and we’ll have such magical stories to tell. Seeing her sister’s face as she glanced down into the water, she prayed silently. There was no plaintive look in Kara’s eyes any more, no fear. It was possible she might even be smiling.
‘I have to let her go now.’
Jake nodded. He didn’t speak for a while. Then, ‘Can we save each other, Em?’ he asked, his voice choked.
‘I’m not sure,’ she answered. If they separated, they would be making sure that the monster who’d haunted her achieved his aim. He’d wanted them to fall