if he was fighting back tears. My heart doubly broke.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered again.
He shook his head at me and then forced a small smile. God, that broke my heart even more. This man was killing me.
“Thanks for trying to help, but you really shouldn’t have.”
I nodded. “I know.”
He looked at me for the longest time and then let out a sigh. As if he’d just resigned himself to something.
“I always knew someone would figure this out. I’ve been waiting for this day to come for years.” He looked down at the box in his hands. “But you can’t tell anyone who I am,” he said softly. “Please.” His plea came out desperate-sounding. “I put that behind me sixteen years ago. That’s not me anymore.”
“No one knows?” I asked and then a thought hit me. “Of course no one knows; well they don’t know consciously.” It made total sense now. Why half the town was in love with him and didn’t know why, as Samirah had said. They probably also had had his poster up on their walls, or had looked at him longingly when they were younger. And when they met Mark, something about him stirred that up inside, even if they weren’t sure what it was.
“No one knows. And I want it to stay that way.” He said this rather emphatically and I nodded quickly.
“I won’t tell anyone. I swear.” And then I made a stupid joke that I shouldn’t have made and it immediately tanked like a lead balloon in the space between us. Tanked so hard that I swear it should have actually made a noise. “Cross my heart, hope to kiss.”
Mark looked at me and simply shook his head.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, that was just one of my favorite songs.” I shrugged at him apologetically. “God, that was lame, and so inappropriate. Sorry. I’m totally failing at this moment right now, but I got to be honest, I’m a little star struck here.”
He shrugged back, and I swear I saw the tiniest smile flicker across his lips. “That’s okay, baby girl.”
I smiled back and then giggled a little, but tried to stop myself. It was a particularly stupid girly-sounding giggle too. Embarrassing. But I was just so fluttery inside. “Say you forgive me,” I said back, naming yet another song title in this little game we’d suddenly found ourselves playing. I was relieved that the mood had lightened a little between us.
“Only if you go,” he said, and my smile faded.
“You don’t mean that really, do you?” I asked, a little worried that maybe we were no longer playing the song title game, even though that was the song from their second album, Step Up To Me.
He shook his head. “No. Don’t go.” He smiled at me and I was relieved. “Want something to drink?”
“That’s not a song title,” I said.
“No. It’s not.”
“So, you’re actually asking me if I want a drink? IRL.”
“IRL?”
“In real life,” I quickly qualified.
“I guess I am.”
CHAPTER 56
I sat on the veranda and waited for M.J., uh, Mark, to bring me a glass of something. He finally came back and passed me a beer. I took it and we sipped in silence for a while. I was grateful for the silence, to be honest. I had a lot to let sink in. This revelation that Mark was quite literally my childhood crush was just the strangest thing that had ever happened to me. But what else did I expect?
Things had been crazy since almost losing my life in that elevator, and then watching my whole life blow up in front of me. And then I came here and adopted a weird dog and was now starring in a reenactment. The past week had been this wild rollercoaster ride, that I didn’t even remember getting on. My thoughts drifted to those two other women in the lift. I wondered if the one with the great eyebrows was okay. And the one with the smiley emoji shirt—was she smiling, or had her life also taken a strange turn like mine? I felt a kinship to them for some reason, even though I had no idea who they were.
“So, you know my secret,” Mark said. I looked at him and felt a stomach flutter. The man in front of me was my childhood crush, and now that I was looking at him, I couldn’t quite believe I hadn’t realized it before. And wait . . . I had kissed him! I had