felt before. I didn’t know what I’d been doing before Kyle, but it couldn’t have been called living.
Lounging on my side in bed, I counted his breaths, waiting for him to wake. It was becoming a habit, and from time to time, I caught myself doing it.
His mouth cracked open, his chest rose and fell, his bangs flat against his head from when he’d been sleeping on his stomach. He stirred, as though he could psychically feel my gaze prodding him.
Another perfect start to our Sunday, a day I’d come to cherish, since those were just ours—no school or volunteering or set plans. The best of them were spent in the bedroom, our legs weaved together, with only Chinese dishes wedged between us. Sometimes we’d have Supernatural or Buffy or Charmed on as we entertained one another with soft touches, warm kisses, sweet expressions.
Kyle finally shifted, his bangs sliding over his forehead, his eyes flitting open. I pretended to have just caught him, but the smile on his face made me believe I’d been made.
“You have a sneaky expression on your face,” he said, wincing.
“Do I? I feel like I’m pretty innocent right now.”
“You’re far from innocent after last night.”
“Never felt so good to be so guilty.”
It reminded me of the way he’d tossed me around the bed, all the positions we’d explored—surprising me with how much was left to explore, even after all we’d done since those first experiences together.
I leaned into him, taking a kiss. His hand cupped my neck, holding me in place as he seized the moment the way we had so many others. He moaned before pulling his lips back, but kept his forehead pressed against mine. “So…what are we gonna get up to today, then, my naughty teach?”
I didn’t have issues with him calling me that anymore. In fact, addressing the more problematic element of our circumstance made me feel like we weren’t hiding from the truth, not with each other.
“I checked the weather, and it looks like it’s getting in the seventies. Maybe we could go to our spot.”
Kyle had shown me a place behind my home, farther back in the woods, in a secluded area—a clearing where we could enjoy the outdoors together. It was open enough that we would be able to detect anyone who might be coming our way, but isolated enough to make it feel like it was only ours, an alternate world we could slip away into, where we would remain undiscovered. We’d begun exploring it at night to ensure we wouldn’t be caught, but had gradually built up confidence to go there for picnics during the day. I kept waiting for us to be found out, or at least for a scare, but just as in so many other areas of our lives, it was as though the universe had shielded us from view, protected the wicked deeds we did from the judgment and scrutiny of a world that wouldn’t have understood us.
“That sounds nice,” he said. “We can make sandwiches beforehand. Grab the blanket. Then come back and find something to watch over…” I waited for him to tell me what he wanted for dinner, but he asked, “What do you want?”
“I was going to wait and see what you said and then act like I wanted the same thing.”
“Tell me what you want, and I’ll let you know if you were about to be a liar.”
I inspected his face. “Hmm…we’ve had Chinese the past few Sundays, the extra-pepperoni pizza throws me sometimes, and I know you’re a burger guy when we change things up…so I’ll go with the burger, two double, no cheese, with mayo and pickle.”
His forehead creased as he cringed, making a buzzer sound. “I can’t believe you said Chinese. We’ve had Asian fusion. And I could eat that every day. You’re the one who gets tired of shit like that.”
“Fuck me,” I said.
“Consider it done.”
He moved quickly, nibbling at my neck before pushing me onto my back. He straddled my waist, his dick sliding over mine as he pinned me beneath him, looking awfully cocky.
“What are you laughing at, nerd?” he asked like some kind of schoolyard bully.
“You have this expression on your face like you won something, when I clearly was more than willing to be overtaken.”
“Maybe you’re just confused about what I know I’ve won.”
My cheeks warmed. Like with so many things with Kyle, it was a sensation I’d had to adjust to.
He must’ve detected my swelling pride because he