of the semester, I had grown accustomed to his scowl, his almost sinister-looking face. All those hard edges he kept around him to guard himself from the world, but there was this softer side of him, a side I felt he reserved for so few, and I was lucky enough to be one of those few.
“We’ll sort this out,” he whispered. “But just know, if anything you’re considering involves me keeping my hands off you, that’s not going to work for me.”
“I could lose my job. My reputation. My dream. Go to prison.” Even as I said the words, though, I knew I’d already accepted that before we’d touched. And I’d crossed that line anyway. “I’ve always been so good at playing by the rules, and I finally have too good a reason not to.”
“We just have to be careful. I’ll never come up to the house. I’ll sneak in like I have been. Nothing has to change outside of that.”
“Everything’s going to change, Kyle.”
“Everything’s already changed.” He kissed me again.
He was right.
Because before Kyle, there was only pain and hurt. And after him…it was like I’d just learned how to really breathe for the first time.
In a dark world of so much despair, I found a speck of light. Even if it dimmed or faded…or was cut off, to know it had existed for any stretch of time was better than the alternative.
33
Kyle
We’d taken that leap of faith into the unknown.
We were the only ones who could know what was right for us. Fuck the world and its oppressive rules and laws that demanded too much of our hearts.
Naturally, with our arrangement came secrets, which were hardest to keep from the people closest to me—Tex, Ben, and Taryn. No one could know where I was spending most of my time since James and I had admitted the truth: that what we had, what we felt, what we shared was too much to fight against anymore.
What had begun as some inexplicable connection had turned emotional and then become wildly physical. We spent sleepless nights desperately grasping at the time we made together, our fears of what we did reminding us to never take a moment for granted.
Each kiss was a wish…a hope…a fear, so I cherished every fucking one.
He kept a key for me beneath a lawn ornament in the yard—a concrete frog that had been left by his house’s previous owners.
Weeks felt like months before winter break began, and I was looking forward to spending as much of it as I could with him.
I locked the French doors behind me before walking through his home, enjoying how familiar it was starting to feel to me. I followed the short hall to the foyer, peered out the window, and saw his car in the driveway. Heading up to the bedroom, it wasn’t long before I detected the sound of running water in the master shower. I stripped down, eagerness mounting now that I could enjoy this fully—the exams were behind us, and we had two weeks without the stress and worry of having to see each other during class, doing our best not to be totally enamored with one another through one of his lectures, which now had a way of making me painfully hard.
I slipped around the corner, and he turned and jerked back, eyeing me through the glass pane between us. “Oh shit. You surprised me.” He grinned, assessing my body.
Behind the bright smile, I could see the worry, the dread, and I joined him, offering kisses as fast as I could to remind him why they were worth everything.
I’ll protect you, James. I won’t let anything happen to you. Ever.
It was my vow to both of us.
His lips found their way down my body, moving with the water rushing over me. He stroked my cock before getting it in his mouth.
“Fuckin’ A, you know how I get at the end of the day—” It was too late. I shot inside his mouth, releasing all that tension I normally would have done in the privacy of my bedroom. “Fuck me,” I said as he lapped up my cum.
He pushed to his feet, his grin expanding.
“You know damn well what you did,” I said, glaring at him.
“It’s hot, and it makes you blush, which is refreshing, seeing how it isn’t me for a change.”
“Yeah, well, next semester I’ll be ready for this and make sure to jerk off in my car before I get over here.”
“You wouldn’t do that.”
“What