that sounds crazy after everything he’s been through, but it’s true. His ego has always gotten a lot of stroking. He … I dunno, there’s, like, this air of entitlement. I just like to … keep an eye on him.”
I stand there quietly, waiting for him to continue.
“He’s always been the golden boy,” Garrett says. “Then, when he got cancer, it’s like his popularity went into overdrive. He became the town celebrity or something. And my mom … I mean, he’d always been spoiled, but when he got sick, he … he could do no wrong, you know what I mean?”
I nod. Yes. Spoiled. Entitled. I’ve finally started seeing that clearly. How could I have been such an awful judge of character? Was I really that desperate to postpone my future, or maybe to jump-start a new post-parent life? I feel like such an idiot.
“Garrett,” I ask him softly, “does Blake volunteer for the children’s hospital?”
Garrett’s eyes crinkle. “The children’s hospital? I mean, he was treated there when he had cancer. Is that what you mean?”
No. It isn’t what I mean. I sigh defeatedly.
“Anne, I don’t think you should date Blake.”
Garrett says these words so fast that it takes me a moment to process them.
“Why is there such a weird vibe between Blake and Jamie?” I ask him.
He averts his eyes and mumbles something I can’t understand.
“Why did you rush over here in such a panic?” I continue, then slowly step closer to him. “What did you think had happened with Blake and me?”
“Nothing, nothing,” he murmurs. “I didn’t know … ”
“Did you think I was … in danger?”
He doesn’t answer, so I answer for him.
“You sure as hell did. You flew over here in a pouring rainstorm like some kind of maniac. You thought something had happened to me. Like … like something happened to Cara … ”
He looks at me intently for a moment, then shakes his head roughly. “I don’t know what I thought. I didn’t know what was going on. I just overheard my brother leaving you some voicemails and sounding upset. I just thought—”
“You’re afraid of your brother. You were afraid for me.”
Garrett’s face darkens. “Dammit, Anne, quit putting words in my mouth! I just dropped by to check on you! Stupid, right? I mean, you’re a big girl. I don’t know what I was thinking. Now your whole family thinks I’m a maniac. Classic. Great. Whatever. It won’t happen again. Just … just stay away from Blake. Okay?”
But before I can answer, Garrett has opened the front door and dashed back out into the storm, the raindrops pounding his bare head as he runs to his car.
I squint, watching him as he pulls out of our driveway and tears away.
But through the blinding rain, all I can see is a blur.
Twenty-Two
I’m in the back seat of our minivan as Dad drives Mom and me to the beach. We’ve headed out for our annual summer vacation, and I roll down my window to enjoy the breeze. My hair’s still long; I haven’t cut it yet. I flick it out the window and let it fly through the air. Mom and Dad are murmuring something in the front seat. I can’t understand what they’re saying, but they’re clearly content, smiling and lightly clasping each other’s hand. Dad’s listening to a Braves game on the radio, and Mom holds a crossword puzzle in her lap, filling out the answers in ink.
I hear a plane overhead and wave at the pilot, whose face I can somehow see clearly. He waves back, a Snoopy-type scarf wrapped jauntily around his neck.
I hum a tune, my hair still blowing in the breeze, then lean up and say, “Hey, it just occurred to me that you guys are here with me.”
Dad says, “Of course we are, sweetheart. We’re always here.”
“Well, this is great!” I say, the full implication finally dawning on me. My parents are here! With me! We’re all together! Yes, I know they’re dead, but we’re together right now, and although I realize I’m dreaming, it’s okay, because, oh my god, we’re together!
I finger a strand of my hair, then tug on the full length of it. But it isn’t long anymore. Now it’s short.
Dad pulls into Uncle Mark and Aunt Meg’s driveway. He and Mom are still smiling, still relaxed, but I’m getting nervous. Why isn’t Dad turning off the engine? Why aren’t they getting out of the car?
“Why are you dropping me off? Why can’t we all