then I can. It’s not all the time though and I get really tired when I do.’
‘Tired?’
‘Yes. I know it seems odd given what I am…what I must be…anyway it’s true. I get tired.’
‘Tess, given all of the oddness that’s only a minor thing.’
‘Good point.’ She got to her feet, ‘Well, I guess this is it now? I think you’ll have to show me out.’
Dan was shocked. What had happened now? Had he upset two girls in one night?’
‘Show you out?’ he said.
‘Yes. Well I don’t think I’ll be able to leave otherwise.’
‘Do you want to leave?’
‘Well, no. But I didn’t think you’d want me here.’
It had actually never crossed his mind that she would leave. Now she had suggested it though he had to consider it; Was this his mind trying to heal itself; would his insanity follow her out of the door? If so then, yes, she should go.
But.
‘Tess,’ he said at last.
‘Yes?’
‘I don’t want you to go.’
Tess’s eyes widened in surprise.
‘Really? Are you sure?’
He gave a little laugh and shrugged.
‘Tess, I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m not sure if you’re real or imaginary. I’m not sure if I’m sane or insane. I’m not sure what the consequences will be of asking you to stay but, yeah, I really want you to stay. I can’t explain it, I can’t explain anything. I just know I want you to stay with me.’
She smiled.
‘You’re quite a unique guy, Mr Jackson.’
‘Unique equals crazy I suppose?’
‘No unique and amazing.’
Dan stood up and walked over to Tess, being careful not to touch her.
‘I think you’re pretty amazing too, Tess,’ he said. ‘There’s something special about you.’
‘A haunting quality, perhaps?’ she said with a mischievous smile.
*
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Chapter Twelve
Wednesday Morning
Dan woke to the radio alarm playing the Five Live breakfast programme at him.
He lay in the half-light thinking, trying to distinguish what was real and what was in his dream. There was so much, so many vivid memories of the previous night. It had happened, even if it had only happened somewhere in the few kilos of brain matter in his skull. It was real to him.
He had not wanted to go to bed. He had started to feel tired some time before it had started to show and he had been unable to mask his yawns. Tess had virtually ordered him to his room.
‘What about you?’ he protested.
‘I’ll be fine,’ she had said, ‘I mean it’s hardly going to kill me is it?’
‘Tess!’
‘Well it’s not is it?’ she said laughing and shooing him out of the room.
‘But…’
‘But what?’
‘Will you…’ he began but then stopped.
‘Will I still be here tomorrow?’ she finished for him. She turned the end of her mouth down, ‘Who knows, Dan. Perhaps it would be better for your head if I wasn’t’
‘But…’
‘No buts Dan, it will be what it will be. Now go!’
Dan checked his watch. 7am. There was no point lying in any longer. He might as well go through to the shower, he wasn’t going to get any more sleep before his second alarm, the “get up” one went off at half-past.
As he went through to the shower he glanced at the lounge door. Was she still there?
The doubts resurfaced in the shower. She couldn’t be real, she just couldn’t be. This had to be his imagination spinning tales for him. But why now? He knew that this was what he had to ask himself.
Was he more worried or stressed now than he had been before? The last few weeks living with Alice were surely much worse? He had learned – or found – resilience then. On the other hand he was in shock then, shock that may have insulated him. And since then there had been the constant drip-drip of everything that had happened since; the divorce, the job situation, that lack of security, moving. He knew he was down, knew what was always lurking on the fringes of his mind when he was alone and when the drink took him to the brink. So had his mind stepped in – or stepped out?
So, he thought as the warm water washed over him, what conclusions? Was she real? Was she perhaps a real person, her disappearances and reappearances just a trick? Well, if so, it was some bloody trick. She should