his personal life and how he spends his money is his business,” I said with a shrug. “Torch doesn’t need to know.”
“I appreciate it. Don’t worry, I’ll pay him back. This is just a rough patch, I’ll figure something out. I have to.”
It sounded like more than a “rough patch” to me, more like being dealt one shit hand after another. And if there was anything I could relate to, it was fighting just to get from one day to the next.
Our burgers came out and I watched silently as she inhaled that too. I was seeing a side of Nadia that I could respect. She hadn’t made the best decisions in life, but at least she kept trying and didn’t forget her debts. I got the sense she could be more than one of those people who simply talked a good game. Whether she believed it herself, I knew deep down she had the strength to turn good intentions into positive results. It would just take a little coaxing and somebody to take a chance on her.
“Are you still clean?” I asked as she took her last bite.
“Four months next week,” she replied proudly. “I know I look like shit, but it’s from stress, not drugs. Weed to help me sleep sometimes, but that’s it.”
I could work with that. “And you’re willing to put in the work to get your life together?”
“Liv, I’d clean sewers right now if somebody would hire me. All I want is a little apartment to come home to and a fridge that has food in it, I’m done with the other shit. Getting high and forgetting your problems for a couple hours doesn’t make them go away.”
No shit. “Most of the time they’re even worse by the time you sober up.”
She nodded. “I know that’s true.”
I leaned back in my seat and stared at her, debating whether the next words out of my mouth would end up biting me in the ass. “I’ll talk to Torch about giving you a job. I think they could use some help at the hardware store and you wouldn’t be around dealers or drunks there.”
She shook her head. “No, I can’t ask you to do that. He’d never go for it anyway, Torch really does hate me—”
“Torch doesn’t hate you,” I cut in, “he’s just protective. But you’re not a threat, right?”
“No. I swear, Liv, I’d never try to cause problems for you guys. Honestly, I don’t think I ever really loved him, I just felt rejected. Which was stupid because I knew exactly what I signed up for. Booze, drugs, and hating yourself don’t mix too well. It’s embarrassing to even think about.”
“Then don’t. Your past doesn’t have to define you.”
She got serious again and looked away. “You don’t understand, it’s not just the club stuff. You shouldn’t stick you ass out for me, I’ve been screwing up my whole life.”
And she’d clearly had a lot of people along the way reminding her of it, her self-esteem was fucking shot. I had no idea what Nadia had gone through and I wasn’t about to pry, but I considered myself a pretty good judge of character and all I was picking up on was a lot of deep-seated self-loathing. “Nad, we all fuck up, we all carry burdens, and we all compare ourselves to other people. But the truth is we’re also all just winging it. I don’t really know you, but I know it took guts to approach me today. I’m not a complicated woman. If you respect me, I’ll respect you. I also love a good comeback story and I’m trying to help you make one happen because I think you’re capable of turning things around. Are you interested in hearing the terms or do you wanna keep arguing and fishing for negatives?”
She briefly paused, but then bobbed her head enthusiastically. “Yes, sorry.”
“Okay then. After we leave here, I’ll get you a room and pay for the next month so you have two checks in the bank before you have to start paying your own way. That’s assuming the club agrees to hire you, but you let me worry about that. You’ll pee in a cup before every shift, anything harder than weed is off limits. You’ll also stay away from the clubhouse indefinitely and you’ll take a class at the community college. I don’t care what subject, as long as it’s something you can focus on and get excited about. I’ll help you pay for