get myself to fall back asleep and debate if I want to take one of those pills that Tongue just took. My eyes feel so swollen, they could glue themselves shut, but my mind is racing, thinking about the dream I had the other night.
When dreams and reality clash, how does someone decipher the difference between the two? If it came down to having to choose, how will I pick the right one? It scares me because I know my psychosis is getting worse.
My dreams chain me down and life isn’t strong enough to break the shackles. I don’t know how to win, but there are only two ways this is going to end for me: insanity or death.
Or maybe one will have to do with the other.
A soft knock on the door grabs my attention and the hinges squeak as it opens. Sarah pokes her head in and smiles. She’s about to say something when her gaze falls to Tongue, who is fast asleep and snoring every few seconds.
She chuckles from the sound, and I have the urge to defend him. I know their relationship has been less than stellar lately, but I won’t allow her to laugh at him.
“Sorry to interrupt,” she whispers, inviting herself in. Her hand is on her belly, something I’ve noticed every pregnant woman does. Her stomach isn’t as big as Joanne’s, but it’s bigger than Mary’s since Mary is hitting twelve weeks, I think. “Doc said you had the flu, I was wondering if you wanted anything. Tea? Soup? I’ll be happy to bring it in for you.”
Well, now that she is being nice, my defenses fall a bit.
“Actually, tea sounds great.” I rub my dry, aching throat at the thought of sipping tea with honey in it.
She turns to leave, grabbing the knob of the door to close it on her way out when she stops in the middle of the doorway. “Is Tongue okay? I know he’s been restless.”
“He’ll be fine. If there is Church, can you tell Reaper Tongue is finally getting some sleep?”
She nods and a piece of her blonde hair falls from her ponytail. “Yeah, of course. Reaper’s been worried too. I’ll pass the message along.”
“Thank you,” I say, turning to my side and pressing against Tongue’s body. He’s warm and hard, strong in all the right places which has me feeling safe.
“Daphne, I want to let you know, just because Tongue and I are still figuring things out, doesn’t mean I don’t consider you my friend.”
“Sarah, I’m on his side. I’m always on his side. And if his relationship is rocky with you, then it’s rocky with me. I do my best to tell him to talk to you, but you know how he is. Even if I want to be best friends with you, I can’t. Tongue is first. I won’t betray him because you offered to bring me tea. Sorry,” I wince, reaching for another tissue to blow my nose, “I sound so bitchy and my patience is thin since I’m sick, but my words are true. Just like you’d stick to Reaper, I’m going to stick to Tongue. I hope one day the dynamic between everyone changes, and I appreciate your offer for tea, but I don’t want you to get sick, so I’ll get up and get it.”
“Nonsense.” She blinks steadily at the ceiling and her eyes are glassy. “I’ll have Doc bring it to you.”
Damn, I’ve made a pregnant lady cry. I’m an asshole. I don’t like that. I sit up, clutching the blanket to my chest, and lean against the headboard. “I’m sorry, Sarah.” I press a palm against my forehead when it starts to build with pressure, threatening to explode from my sinuses being clogged. “I don’t mean to hurt you. Tongue is my best friend, lover, soulmate, so he comes first.”
“No, I get it. I understand. There’s no need to explain yourself. I’ll make that tea for you now.” She closes the door behind her, but not before I hear a hiccup from her crying.
“I’m terrible,” I say to myself.
With a regretful sigh and the wheels turning in my head to form another apology, I swing my legs over the bed. I’m not going to fall asleep any time soon, especially with how bad I feel about hurting Sarah’s feelings. I know our relationship has no bearing on her and Tongue, but I can’t form a close bond with her when their relationship is hanging by a thread. It