he the guy you stole that bike from?”
“Not even close.” Roy grabbed a jar of Vaseline off the table and slathered it all over a fresh tattoo on his arm. “Twenty years ago Fat Nicky was reigning champion of the New York crime world. Then about ten years ago he got shot up in a botched murder attempt and had to retire. Now his son runs the business, and Fat Nicky sits around all day watching cooking shows. You with me so far?”
“I guess.”
“Good, because our job is to kill him.”
I waited for Roy to say he was joking, and when he didn’t I said, “Are you crazy? We’re thieves. We don’t kill people.”
“The world’s changed, Skip. Between the recession and all the new security stuff out there, it’s impossible to make a living off welfare checks anymore.”
“I thought Vinny just got disability.”
“For like three weeks. By the time he’s done paying off the doctor and the check cashing service, he’ll clear barely three bills.”
“So why did he do it?”
“Birds gotta fly. Fish gotta swim,” Roy said with a shrug. “But listen, I understand your reluctance to cap this guy and I felt exactly the same way.”
“Good.”
“That’s why we’re only going to pretend to cap him.”
This job was getting more ridiculous by the second.
“And what happens after that?” I asked. “Is someone going to pretend to pay us?”
“No, the money’s real.”
“That’s reassuring,” I said with a laugh. “And who wants us to kill this guy?”
“Your mother’s roommate. Well, he’s not actually her roommate. He’s more like her neighbor.”
“At Shady Oaks? Now I get it. This guy must think he’s the Godfather and you’re Spider-Man. Who do I get to be? Luke Skywalker, or Indiana Jones?”
“The guy’s not in the crazy part of Shady Oaks. He’s in the Williams Pavilion.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s their old age home. Besides, the only thing that matters is that his money is sane. Here, check this out.”
Roy handed me some forms on Shady Oaks stationery. There were lots of big numbers scattered about and I said, “I never realized Shady Oaks was so expensive. I guess it’s a good thing Mom got all that money from Grandpa Patsy, otherwise she’d never be able to afford this place.”
“What money?”
“You know, the money money. Where’d you get this paperwork from, anyway?”
“The Shady Oaks financial services office.”
“You broke in?”
“No, I used my master key.” Roy stood up and said, “You’re looking at the new night janitor at the Williams Pavilion. That’s why I was asleep when you got here.”
“But we went to Shooters last night.”
“My shift is from midnight till eight in the morning. After I hooked up with Jackie I had her drop me off at Shady Oaks. And speaking of Jackie, she’s got this girlfriend that sounds perfect for Vinny. The only problem is her friend’s kind of shy and wants Jackie to spend some quality time with Vinny to see if he’s boyfriend material. So, take a bath, my favorite cousin, because tomorrow night the four of us are going out to dinner.”
“Why do you want me to tag along?”
“To help Vinny impress Jackie. Face it, you’re the closest thing to an impressive person we know. What do you say?”
“I’d love to, but I spent all my money at Shooters last night.”
“Don’t worry about the money. It’s my treat.”
A hot meal in a restaurant sounded way better than cold cuts at my mother’s house. “Sure,” I said. “Why not?”
“Good. Just do me a favor. If Vinny asks about the job, pretend like you have no idea what he’s talking about. Okay?”
“Sure thing,” I said, wishing it were true.
12
ON MY WAY HOME FROM ROY’S APARTMENT I THOUGHT about Claire and why I would let myself get sucked back into the bosom of my family so she and I could be together. The short answer was I loved her. But there was more to it than that. Claire was the first person I loved who didn’t try to rob me. I’d dated other girls before her, but it never felt like love. It never felt like anything. Then Claire entered my life and stole my heart, which is pretty ironic considering my background.
We hooked up in the fall of our third year at the annual Leaf Peeper Dance. This was the biggest social event of the fall, complete with elaborate decorations, tons of snacks, and a local band from Albany. The band was terrific, but I saw right away that one of the members of their crew was a