of the day, he watched Em as they moved closer and closer to the end of their time together. He decided he didn’t mind that she wore men’s clothes; he’d felt what was beneath and could imagine how she looked all long and lean and nude. There was no time for them to be alone, not even for a few minutes. In what seemed like a moment, she’d become a memory even though she was still standing in front of him.
When they reached the train, he grew silent, already missing her.
As they pulled away from the station, he stood on the back platform and watched the sun set as the train rushed toward Austin. He’d told Em she’d have to come to him, but she wasn’t coming. She was talking to Duncan and Sumner in the next car, or having dinner with the cooks, or checking on the horses, but she wasn’t coming to him.
The night grew dark, and he felt it on the inside as well as on the outside.
He thought of all they’d shared during the days together and how close they’d held one another that last night on the way back to the mission. If he’d known it would be their last time together, would he have done anything different? Would he have made love to her? Would he have pulled away and held her less so the pain of losing her now wouldn’t hurt so badly?
When the door opened, Lewt let hope flood his thoughts for a moment before he realized it was only Duncan coming out to smoke his nightly cigar.
“Wish you’d consider going on home with us,” Duncan said. “At the least, you’d be a great help with the cooks and all their loot.”
“No thanks. I don’t belong there. You were right.”
Duncan raised an eyebrow. “Still friends?”
Lewt offered his hand. “Still friends. I’ll take your money at cards or join in any fight with you, Duck.”
“Good to know. I don’t know when I’ll be back to Austin, but I’ll look you up.” Duncan slid the door open. “Coming in?”
“No. I think I’ll stay out here awhile.”
When the door opened and closed, he expected to be alone. Em’s voice startled him. “Mind if I join you?”
He tried his best to smile. “Anytime, pretty lady,” he said, realizing how much he meant the compliment. Somehow she’d become the most beautiful woman he’d ever known. Maybe she always had been; he just hadn’t seen her.
“Duck says you’re not planning to stay with us all the way.” She sounded angry, or maybe hurt.
“That’s right. It’s better to make a clean break.”
She lifted her chin. “That the way you want it?”
“It’s the way it has to be, Em.”
She nodded, a jerky nod he thought looked adorable. He wanted to touch her so badly the ache went all the way to his heart, but he wouldn’t reach for her.
She moved to his side of the window so no one from inside the car could see them. “I want something,” she whispered.
“Name it.” Lewt didn’t care what it was; if it was in his power to get it for her, he would.
“I want to touch you. I want to remember not just how you touched me, but I want to know you better.”
She lifted her hands and began at his face, like a blind person feeling her way.
He closed his eyes, trying to memorize the sensations running through him.
She kissed his eyes and dug her fingers into his hair, then moved her hands over his shirt. When he didn’t move, or say a word, she unbuttoned the shirt and pushed her hands inside, letting her fingers spread out over his chest.
“You’re right. You are hairy, but it’s softer than I thought it would be.”
He smiled. “We shouldn’t be doing this here.”
“I know,” she giggled. “I’m not afraid of you, not at all. You’ve told me not to be, over and over, and you’ve shown me what loving is like, but I had to let you know. I’m not afraid of you.”
She kissed him then.
He didn’t pull her near. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go if he did. He just stood there taking her sweet good-bye. A gift of passion. A gift of longing he’d carry with him the rest of his life.
The whistle blew and the lights of Austin came into view. Em pulled away, and he buttoned his shirt before he went back inside.
The group collected their luggage and stood on the platform as Duncan went to