a loss. But Thayer and Holden lost a brother. And even though I loved Danny like a brother, it wasn’t the same. Grieving him feels like a slap in the face to them. Like I’m not allowed to be sad when they’ve lost so much more than I have.
After long seconds, Holden shoves out of his chair, gripping his binder at his side and prowls toward me. I hold his stare, my body locking up as he gets closer, anticipating whatever verbal smackdown I’m about to receive.
“Thayer know you’re back?” he asks in that low, threatening tone that’s usually reserved for his enemies. I’m not used to having it directed toward me.
I shrug in response as if to say, how should I know?
A slow smile spreads across his face. “This should be fun.” He barrels past me, shoulder-checking me on his way out the door.
I stumble back, frowning, my gaze following his retreating back as a sinking feeling hits my gut. So much for time apart lessening the blow. So much for a fresh start.
“Mr. Ames!” Mr. Garcia calls out. But Holden doesn’t stop, throwing up his middle finger behind him in response. If he were anyone else, he’d be suspended. Or at the very least, he’d get hit with detention. But he’s Holden Ames, son of August Ames.
And me? I’m screwed.
Shayne
My last class couldn’t end quickly enough. I felt the weight of everyone’s attention on me like a thousand bricks on my back. As soon as the bell rang, I made a beeline for the parking lot, shooting a text to Valen to let her know I decided to walk home instead. I didn’t want to tell her about my run-in with Holden. I knew she’d try to fix the problem, for one thing, and I wasn’t in the mood to be fixed.
I wasn’t ready to go home and play twenty questions about my first day back with my mom either, so I walked around the wooded area behind my grandma’s house—my house now, I remind myself—wasting time, lost in thought. On the other side of these woods is Whittemore, and the barn sits in between the two estates, but it’s technically on their land. I don’t know what possesses me to go to the old barn, but that’s exactly where I end up. Old habits die hard, I guess. That, and the fact that I’m a glutton for punishment.
Slowly, I approach the injured tree from that night, pressing my palm against the bare strip of bark that’s much lighter than the rest of the tree, amazed by its resilience. I decide right here and now that I want to be like this tree. A little scarred, but still standing strong. When I left Sawyer Point, I was Grey’s little sister, Amelia’s estranged granddaughter, and the girl who lived with the Ames brothers. I just want to be Shayne. And I want to stand on my own two feet.
Walking in the direction of the barn, I pause when it comes into view, an unexpected wave of emotion rolling through me at the sight of it. From the outside, it looks exactly the same, as if no time has passed at all. I haven’t been here since that night, even when I wanted nothing more. It felt like his.
I jiggle the padlock, defeated, but then a thought occurs to me. I make my way over to the rock that used to act as our hiding spot. It’s a long shot. I doubt Thayer left it here. He knows I know where it is, and he wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to hurt me. I pick it up, and the fact that I have to wedge it free from the dirt tells me that it hasn’t moved in a long time.
“Holy shit, it’s still here,” I whisper to myself, plucking the key from the ground and shaking the excess dirt off. Thayer kept this here so I’d always be able to get inside. Does this mean there’s still some part of him that cares? No. I shake the thought from my head as fast as it came. Why do I do that? Romanticize what I thought we had? He’s made it more than clear that whatever it was meant nothing to him. I meant nothing to him.
Even still, this place means a lot to me. He doesn’t get to take that, too.
Turning back for the door, I stick the key in and twist. The lock pops free and I don’t waste