because I couldn’t return them. I just couldn’t. Despite needing to hear his voice and hoping he’d say that he was wrong and sorry, I couldn’t do it, because I deserve more.
It’s a weird feeling, prioritizing yourself. It’s not something I’ve ever done, and I’m not quite sure how to walk the line. What I do know is it feels good, empowering even, to know what I want and do the things I need to do to get it. After all, wanting love isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world.
Tossing some creamer in my cup until the brew is a perfectly golden color, I take a sip. The fluid washes down my throat, clearing out some of the leftover tears from last night.
A knock at the door makes me jump. My heart scampers in my chest, my thoughts immediately going to Trevor. Gripping my mug like it’s my job, I almost jog to the front door. I don’t even check the peephole before I tug it open.
“Oh. Hey,” I say when I see Dane on the other side.
He gives me a tight smile. “Just checking on you. How are you today?”
I let the door open all the way and pad back to the kitchen. I hear it latch and Dane’s footsteps fall behind me.
“Want some coffee?” I ask.
“Nah. I’m good. Grabbed some already from Claire.”
I nod. “I think I’ll go by for a doughnut today. Sugar never killed anyone.”
“Actually, it does. All the time.”
“Well, smart-ass, the chances of it killing me before this heartache does aren’t good.”
He pulls out a chair and sits. His boot taps against the floor. The sound feels like little nails pounding into my skull.
“Can we not do that?” I ask as I sit across from him. Pulling my robe tighter around my body, I curl my legs up under me. “What are you doing today?”
“I have some paperwork to finish. Just . . . stuff.”
“You can talk about the Kelly house, you know. It’s fine.”
I take another sip of my drink, hoping the taste of the coffee will carry away the taste of Trevor’s last name. It feels heavy on my tongue, bitter against the sweetness I once associated with him.
Dane leans against the table, a worried look on his face. “I want to apologize to you, Hay.”
“What for?”
“Neely and I talked last night, and I shouldn’t have gone after Trevor. I should’ve stayed out of it.”
“You were just trying to do what you do—protect everyone. This time, it was me.”
“Yeah. You’re right. I was trying to protect you, but Neely pointed out how disrespectful it was too.”
I lift the mug to my lips. “How’s that?”
“It was selling you short.” He sighs and leans back in his chair. “Sometimes I forget you aren’t the little girl who showed up here to take care of Mia. You’re an adult. A capable woman that can take care of herself, and me going after Trevor yesterday insulted that, in a way.”
Reaching across the table, I lay a hand on top of his. “You didn’t insult me. But thank you for saying all that. It helps.”
“It’s true.” He takes his hand out from under mine. “I just hate to see you hurt. You’re such a good person.”
“I hate feeling like crap, too, but if he wants to go, let him go.”
Dane’s eyes go wide at my words, and quite frankly, mine do too. I didn’t realize I was going to say that, but putting it into the world frees something inside me. I shrug and take another drink.
“Wow,” Dane says.
“I know.” I laugh, the pitch filled with a sadness I can’t shake. “But I learned a lot over the last few weeks, so it wasn’t a total loss.”
“Like what?”
“Like how to negotiate an agreement. And how the rich live. And what I want my greenhouse to look like someday.” I smile to myself. “Someone once told me that things were only a waste if you don’t learn from them. I learned from this. It’ll come in handy one day.”
He shakes his head and gets to his feet. “I have no idea what has happened to you, but I like it.” He leans over and pulls me into a hug. “You’re gonna be fine, aren’t you?”
“I am,” I say, leaning back.
“That’s good. And what’s even better is not seeing you in bed with chocolate slobber hanging out of your mouth like you did when Joel broke up with you.”
“Screw Joel,” I scoff. “What was I even thinking?”