My spirits sink as I remember my feelings toward Joel. I thought the sun set on him. He was the epitome of what I wanted in a man—or so I thought. I probably would still be thinking that to some degree if I hadn’t met Trevor.
With Trevor, it wasn’t just about him. I liked him because of how he made me feel about me too. I felt like I could do anything, be anyone, and that I deserved good things. All things except him.
“What are you going to do today?” Dane asks, bringing my thoughts back to the present.
“I’m going to see Claire and get a doughnut. And then going to work. I want to figure out how to build a cold frame for vegetables this winter.” I blow out a breath. “I saw this greenhouse in Nashville that was pretty spectacular and figured I could build a tiny version of it.”
Dane grins. “Well, if you need help, let me know. Mia and I would love to help you.”
“You’re the best.”
“I know.” He tosses a wink my way before heading to the door.
“Hey, Dane?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for believing in me. It means a lot.”
He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. A smile is launched across the room before he leaves.
I look at my coffee and then back to the door. Some fresh air might do me some good.
Then again, so would going back to bed.
With a yawn, I head to the bedroom.
Trevor
The computer glow burns my eyes. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been sitting here for almost twenty-four hours, trying to lose myself in facts and figures. The only figure I can think about consistently is Haley’s.
Jake walks in, not bothering to knock. If I had any energy at all, I’d be pissed. I don’t.
“What?” I ask.
“Are you still fucking here?”
“Is that a real question?”
“No. The real question is, why are you still fucking here?” he asks, sitting in a leather chair across from my desk. One leg props on the other, his socks a stupid red-and-black checker that makes me want to comment on them. But again, I don’t.
I look at my brother. I don’t want to talk about this with him. Or anyone, for that matter. I just want to talk to Haley, and she won’t fucking answer.
Not that I blame her. I wouldn’t answer my calls either.
“So Natalie says you fell in love,” he says.
“Natalie apparently wants to be fired.”
He laughs. “Nah, I think she wants your job when we finally commit you.”
“So, so funny.” I toss a pen on the desk. “Did you come in here for anything besides to rag on me?”
“No.”
“Then get out of here.”
He sighs, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Want to go to dinner?”
“No,” I say, shoving away from my desk. “I don’t want to go to dinner. I don’t want to leave the office. I don’t want to take a break and steal candy from Natalie’s desk.”
“Then what do you want to do?”
I brace myself against the desk. I want to listen to bad jokes and fight over the thermostat and figure out where to take Haley for dinner.
That’s what I want. The thing I can’t have.
I hang my head.
“All right,” Jake says, getting to his feet. “I’ll let you be. I’ll be in my office for a bit if you want to talk.”
I nod but still don’t look at him. I don’t even look up until he’s gone.
I lean back in my chair. I can’t keep sitting here, pretending I’ll somehow raise my head and have forgotten about her. But I don’t know what to do.
My mind goes back to the last time I saw her.
“It’s you that does that to them. You break them down until they think it’s safe, and then you say you’ve had enough and watch them wallow. I think you get a kick out of that.”
My heart twists in my chest as I remember her words. I don’t get any pleasure out of hurting her or anyone. As a matter of fact, it might just hurt me worse than it does her. All I’m guilty of is taking her heart.
Taking her heart . . .
I did take it. I took it because it was mine. It is mine.
She’s mine.
I spring to my feet, my breath coming out in rushed waves.
I love her. I think. No, I do. I have to. I can barely breathe without her. I can’t imagine not talking to her today