to do it. We’ve known that from the start. She’ll be expecting it to last forever, and I’ll be looking for a way out in six months. It’s how I work. It’s how we work. It’ll never work together.
“It’s not like I don’t understand the concept of dating, Jake. I’ve been there. Done that.”
“So? What’s the issue, then?”
I look at the door of the Dogwood Café. A couple of weeks ago, I walked in there and saw her bent over that bar. Little did I know that moment in time would rock my world to the core. Little did I know that my heart would even want to be rocked.
My chest is so tight I can barely breathe. I can only relax when I’m with her, and I can’t be right now. Because I really can’t be when I have to go home and leave her here.
For my own good, but also, more importantly, for hers.
I can’t promise her what she wants and needs. What she deserves is the whole world. I won’t be the guy to break that promise. I just won’t make it.
“I’m going to ask you a question, but you have to promise me something,” I say.
“Okay. What?”
“You can’t laugh at me or think I’m a pussy.”
“I’ll try,” he teases.
“Jake . . .”
“Fine, fine. I won’t make fun of you on the phone. Deal?”
I groan. I wish I could hang up now, but I need his opinion. I’ll have to make do.
“Fine,” I say. “Do you believe in love?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?”
“Does it sound like I’m serious?”
He sighs, that damn chair squeaking again. “Okay. Do I believe in love? Yes. I do.”
“Why?” I press.
“I don’t fucking know. Why not believe in it? It even makes sense scientifically, if you think about it.”
“Why?”
“Well, it bonds people together, I guess. It gives you a reason to wake up. It keeps a couple together to raise a family or to have experiences that are more satisfying.” He pauses. “Why? You don’t?”
I pace a circle, my boots crunching the gravel. “Yeah. I do. But here’s my problem with it: I’ve never experienced a love that didn’t end. And I haven’t seen it either. And if you haven’t seen something, does it exist?”
“You don’t think Dad loves Meredith?”
Apart from Saturday night, Dad and I have never talked about emotions. He’s never been particularly emotional, so why start now? Does he love Meredith? I don’t fucking know.
“Maybe. But Dad married Mom and that ended in war. Meredith was married before and that failed. Look at my first serious relationship—that landed Tera in the hospital,” I say, my heart breaking for her. “Why did that happen? Because I didn’t feel like I was in love with her anymore, and she couldn’t take it.”
“Trev . . .”
“What if I do that to Haley? What if I decide it’s not for me and something happens to her? I couldn’t hack it, Jake. I’d be done.” I shiver, my stomach threatening to expel Lorene’s biscuits and gravy that I had for breakfast. “I just don’t know if I can take that responsibility.”
“You’re the only one who knows, little brother.”
Fuck. All I know is that hurting her would break me. Surely that can’t be love.
It’s lust. She needs someone who is all about love. All about lifelong love and commitment. And that’s . . . that’s not me.
“I can’t commit to that with her.” I turn to see Penn standing at my truck, his hands over the bed. My stomach twists and I force a swallow. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
“Bye.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
HALEY
Hey,” I say.
I step onto the porch and close the door behind me. Trevor kisses the top of my head before taking my hand and guiding me down the sidewalk.
The friend kiss again. Okay.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I say. My voice wobbles more than I’d like, but I’m doing my best to keep my composure. Every day, every hour, that passes is a moment closer to him leaving and me not having a resolution to whatever it is we are. Or aren’t.
“Absolutely,” he says. “In you go.”
The truck door opens and I climb inside. I set the vase of flowers I arranged earlier for Neely on the floor between my feet, and by the time I’m situated, Trevor is climbing in.
The conversation he suggested we have yesterday hangs over us like a dark cloud. I feel it lingering about, threatening to ruin everything.
I don’t know whether to bring it up or to