clean enough. Things I have seen and had to endure are burned into my brain and I can’t get them out. By not being able to do this makes me feel like I’m covered in filth and not good enough.”
“Yeah, I get it. When Lucien, my ex-fiancé, started abusing me I started to feel that way. Maybe that is why I’m having such a hard time now,” she says, furrowing her brow.
“They say actions of the past never leave us. They embed themselves as our inner demons and we have two choices, fight them or let them grow. Either way they will always be there,” I murmur.
“You know I’ve never heard of that, but it makes sense. Do you, umm, do you mind if I ask you what happened to you to plant your demons?” she asks.
At first, I’m hesitant to answer her; however, something in her eyes makes me feel as if we were kindred spirits. Rachel needed someone to talk to and by her asking is a way for her to open herself up in preparation to start fighting her own demons.
Nodding, I put the pencil down I’d been holding and lifted my legs up to my chest, resting my feet on the chair. I wrap my arms around my knees, hugging them, as I rest my chin on my kneecaps.
“Growing up wasn’t easy at home. Sure, I had a great mom but it was just her and me. Mom did her best, but she wasn’t able to help much against the bullies. From about fifth grade all the way until I graduated from high school I was picked on. I was the jolly green giant or stick legs. My name was made fun of. Most of the time I was called Tin–can. As I got older the guys would try to get me to let them in my pants. That wasn’t happening. I had enough respect for myself to not give up something like my virginity to the very same people who tortured me.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath to prepare for this next part.
“About four years ago, I was in my apartment alone, Grigory always taught me to make sure I checked windows and doors before bed. For some reason, I didn’t do that and I woke up to a hooded man on top of me. He . . . he’d ripped my panties off my legs and was seated inside me. I wasn’t able to fight him off me. Worse was before Grigory got to me the hooded man had already taken me once and was still going. I don’t know how much more I could have endured if my cousin hadn’t come into the apartment when he did.”
“Tinsley, you don’t have to say anymore,” Rachel whispers, tears filling her eyes.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” I say. “Grigory put a bullet in the guy’s head without hesitation. Unfortunately, the hooded man was still on top of me. I can still feel his blood on my skin and his body on top of mine. It’s why I know I’ll never be good enough for anyone.”
By the time I finish, I lift my gaze to meet Rachel’s as I prepare myself for what I hope isn’t pity that I’ll meet. Only she isn’t looking at me but rather staring over my head. Tilting my head, I find my breath catching in my throat at the sight of not just Coyote standing there but Stoney, Tracker, Blaze, and several others.
From the tension that seems to be filling the room now, I’m guessing they just heard me telling Rachel what happened to me.
Fuck my life.
Chapter Fourteen
Coyote
After coming out of church, I wasn’t in the best of moods. Not after finding out exactly who we were dealing with. Nerd was finally able to piece together everything that was what I’d like to call the Clusterfuck of Milley’s Life.
Talk about confusing as hell.
Even though the father wasn’t listed on the birth records, Nerd was able to find him. That information in itself wasn’t good. Daddy dearest was the leader of the Demon Raiders gang who discarded Milley’s mom after finding out she’d been knocked up. What’s worse though was when she’d given birth, she gave birth to twins, Mason and Milley. Matthew, the twin’s father, he’d taken Mason, leaving Milley to her mother. Didn’t even want her until she was old enough to be of use to him. He’d died before then and Mason took his place as