giving him access to take more, give more. “God, MJ, that feels so good,” she said.
She closed her eyes and let him take her under. She was all feeling and sensation. There was nothing to her but the places he stroked and teased.
A knot tightened in her belly and grew until she was crazed with the need for release. She held on to MJ’s shoulders, almost afraid, knowing when it hit, she’d shatter.
His thumb found her clit, circled once and she was gone. Blackness spiraled behind her eyes, her blood rushed like thunder in her ears, her body spasmed and quaked.
MJ slowed his fingers as she came down from her orgasm. She realized she’d been biting his shoulder and kissed him where she’d left teeth marks before collapsing back down on his chest.
He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.
A calm came over her that she hadn’t felt for over a year since she’d been away from him. Her soul was at ease. It latched onto his and quieted. Without MJ there was a constant clawing and gnawing inside her to find something to fill what was missing. Whatever she did, however she tried to fill the void, it wasn’t enough.
MJ silenced the part of her that was always aching for more. It was a blinding truth that she couldn’t deny. A blinding truth she’d have to live without.
He tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do you love him?” he asked.
She closed her eyes against the assault his words released on her heart. She’d told him she wasn’t marrying Talan. Why was he asking her this? “MJ, I—”
“More than me?” he said, tilting his head to try and see her face.
She tucked her chin to her chest, unwilling to look him in the eye.
“I know you must love him,” he continued. “You wouldn’t even consider marrying him if you didn’t.”
Maddie had aimed to ease his pain, and all she’d done was open the floodgates. She pushed up and held herself above him. “Don’t.” She kissed him. “Don’t.”
Determined to finish what she started, she eased down his body, kissing and caressing his chest, resting her hand on his key tattoo that marked him forever as hers. She trailed her lips down across his abs, pausing at the defined V that led down into his shorts. She knew he liked it when she glided her tongue along the ridges.
MJ sucked in air through his teeth in a hiss and wove his fingers through her hair. Maddie unfastened his button and zipper and freed his hard length from his boxers. She kissed the tip before wetting it with her tongue.
Squeezing his thighs, she took him deep in her mouth, silently begging for his forgiveness. Not only for the past, but for the future when she wouldn’t ever be his again.
She asked herself for forgiveness as she bobbed her head up and down his shaft. She hurt herself as much as him. More. She sacrificed her entire life to make sure his heart was protected from the awful secret his grandfather kept.
It wasn’t fair to either of them.
He was the one she’d planned to marry. He was the one she’d planned to have babies with. He was the one… always the one.
Her desperation to please him had him thrusting into her mouth. He couldn’t help himself, and she loved when she made him lose control. She felt his muscles clench and tremor and knew he was close.
“Jesus, Mads,” he groaned, and spilled himself into her mouth.
She licked her lips and crawled back up his body to lie in the crook of his arm. “Spend the night with me here. Just hold me and don’t let go until morning.”
MJ lifted her chin and kissed her. “I won’t let you go for the rest of your life if that’s what you decide. All you have to do is ask.”
Nineteen
He couldn’t believe he had her here like this. Those ice blue eyes of hers had cracked him open. His soul had seeped out and now lay bleeding on the couch downstairs. Or maybe she’d devoured it along with his heart. In either case, they no longer resided inside of him.
God, he hoped this was the right thing to do.
He couldn’t live in fear of getting hurt again.
He couldn’t live without his Maddie.
Entwined on the big bed upstairs, a warm breeze blew over MJ’s bare chest. He twisted a piece of Maddie’s hair at the back of her neck around his finger. He watched her