turn to leave, putting my hand on the doorknob, but then his words halt me from turning the handle.
“If I could take that day back and do things differently, then by fuck, I would. You don’t know how many times I have replayed that night over and over again. The way you looked at me, and I just froze. It was the weakest I have ever felt, and for that, I will never forgive myself. I just hope in time you will forgive me because I love you so much. That has and will never change.”
I grip the doorknob, willing it to turn. My face flushes with all the emotions I feel rushing through me. Anger. Fear. Resentment. Love. His words fill my head with a sort of tortured bliss. On one hand, I want to run to him and tell him it’s okay, that I want him just as much, and that I love him too. But the other side of me can’t get over the fact that he may be having a child with my aunt of all people. That is what finally gives me the strength to turn the handle on the door.
“I will never let you go, Ana. I will fight for you, I promise you that. My world is nothing without you in it, and I’m not giving up until you’re mine again. I’ve never stopped being yours, and I never will. The fact that I may be having a baby with someone else doesn’t ever take away that fact. I will fight to my death to get you back.” I hear him breathe in deeply, and I think he’s finished when he says, “The stars are not the same since you left.”
My heart plummets at his words. I remember how he used to make me feel when we made love. How I would tell him I saw stars, because that’s how special he made me feel when he touched me. I can’t see a world without Jake in it either, but I’m quickly reminded how things could have been if it wasn’t for the bomb my so-called mother unleashed on us.
I pull the door towards me, not once looking back at Jake, as I know that if I do, I’ll give in to him.
“Just one other thing before you walk out that door,” Jake adds, the anger in his voice halting me in my tracks. “I don’t know what the fuck Michael is playing at, but I will kill him if he thinks he can take you away from me.”
I grit my teeth, both in anger and frustration, even though there’s a part of me that knows he’s only acting like this because he’s in pain. Looking at it from his perspective, I totally get it. No matter how innocent it may be, it would kill me too.
“Whatever intentions Michael has, you can rest assured that I don’t return them. He’s just a friend.” My voice softer now, I continue, “No one could ever replace you.” I start to move, but Jake calls my name. “Jake, please don’t. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I close the door behind me, thankful that he didn’t press me further. I take in a deep breath and make my way back to my desk where Jessie patiently awaits me. Of course, she’s going to want an explanation, and of course, I’m going to have to provide her one, but the thought of doing it right now just exhausts me. I’ve had enough for one day.
In the end, I end up telling Jessie everything that has happened, and after her initial shock and horror subside, she takes me in for a hug.
“Can you believe Jake thinks we can just pick everything up from where we left off and move on like nothing happened?”
She doesn’t seem terribly surprised by this news.
“You’ve both been miserable without each other. I think it’s inevitable that you’ll be back together soon. Baby or no baby.”
I vigorously shake my head. “I can’t. Not after everything that’s transpired. How can I start a relationship with him when he may be having a baby with someone else? And not just anyone, she’s family. It’s just … wrong.”
“Did you know you’re the most stubborn woman I have ever met? I wonder if your mother was the same.”
In my horror of the day, I completely forgot to ask about my mother. Of course, I need to know more about her. I need to know what she was