into me this entire time? Or, at least, since she’d showed up at his office and agreed to work with him.
She suddenly felt confounded and so very special. But she also wondered—what did he hope to get from her? It felt bigger than him simply wanting her to know his secret.
Maybe he’s trying to move on, but doesn’t know how? She honestly wasn’t sure.
“You told me,” she said, “that you were in your car, already driving off the property when you got the alert on your phone. How much time did that give you before the wave hit?”
He frowned. “The earthquake was close. It gave me a minute or two. Not much time.”
“So if you’d gone back for them, could you have saved them?” she asked.
He looked down at his muddy boots. “No. Not likely.”
“Would two minutes warning have been enough for them to run to safety?”
“No. But you’re missing the point. Back then, the alert was new; you didn’t know how much time you had—it could’ve been ten hours—yet, I didn’t try.”
She understood the guilt, she really did. But had he believed he had hours and gone back for them, he wouldn’t be standing with her right now. And then where would the Bali project be?
She looked up at him and brushed the messy damp hair from his forehead. “I believe that everything happens for a reason, Bennett. The only shame is not allowing that reason to exist. But you’ve let it flourish. You’ve done the right things, and made something good come from your mistakes because you are a good man.” She didn’t know if that’s what he needed to hear, but the words were from the heart.
He looked down at her, and his angry, harsh expression was the last thing she expected to see. “Then you’re delusional, Ms. Reed. And you understand nothing.”
She dropped her hand and stepped back, mentally catching herself from falling. He didn’t mean it. She knew he didn’t mean it. He’s pushing me away. It was the way he dealt with things. “When he pushes you away—and believe me, he will—like a drowning man fighting for air—you push back. You hang on. He’ll come around.”
That’s what his mother had said.
But arguing with him wasn’t the right tactic either. She could feel it in her gut.
“Yes. You might be right,” she said calmly with the utmost sincerity. “I wasn’t there, and I didn’t lose a child and I’ll never really understand. But I’m here for you anyway. If it’s what you want.”
“What I want is for you not to try to make me feel better or say ridiculous things like I’m a ‘good’ man. Because I’m not.”
Oh. Now she got it.
He wanted to hear he was right. He wanted someone to say he was a horrible human being and deserved to suffer. He wanted someone to validate his pain and give him an excuse to continue the self-flagellation. And perhaps be his sidekick and keep him company while he killed himself paying his penance.
Well, she wouldn’t do it. Because it was bullshit. But if she argued with him, told him he was good, he’d only view it as her lack of true understanding. Because in his mind, the only logical response was to hate himself. Of course, he was wrong, and she would never agree with him, so she’d give him the next best thing: She would accept him. Just as he was. Maybe with time he’d learn to accept things, too, and see himself in a new light, through her eyes. Just as he’d done for her.
“Sorry. But you just showed me your colors, you trusted me with your secret, and I don’t feel at all different about you, Mr. Wade.”
“Only you, Ms. Reed. Only you.” He shook his head disapprovingly at his feet.
“I think you should take me back to the hotel now,” she said, wanting to give him time to let the volatile emotions settle. This had clearly been a difficult leap for him to take. But she wasn’t a mound of dirt, and he wasn’t going to bulldoze her to serve his messed-up needs.
Because he deserved better than that.
He looked at her, still stewing. “Yes, that’s probably best.”
She took a breath and walked back toward the muddy Land Rover. Despite her conviction, she was holding on by a thread. Don’t get sucked in to his emotional whirlpool, Tay. Stay strong for him, let him see that nothing changed.
But everything had changed. She realized now that she loved him more than