to kiss you, but it happened, and I can’t say I have any regrets.”
After that rather long speech I had only one word to say: “Oh.”
Elvis moved closer and glanced up at me as if expecting me to lavish attention on him.
Okay, this was about to get even more awkward. “I’m glad you said something. It’s important that we be on the same page. I need to be honest here. There’s something you don’t know about me. Something I need to tell you.”
“You’re married.”
“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. I didn’t know why he would even suggest such a thing. I swallowed tightly and squared my shoulders. “I’m infertile.”
He stared at me as if he didn’t know the meaning of the word.
“I can’t have children,” I elaborated.
“Okay, and you’re telling me this why?”
I closed my eyes. It would have been better if I’d said nothing. All I’d done by blurting this out was make a fool of myself.
“It’s best you learn this about me now. If, you know, we started seeing each other, then this is information you should have.” I was convinced my face was the color of a ripe summer tomato. Nick must think I was leaping to conclusions and after the shower incident I assumed we were destined to be together.
“We kissed, Emily. I didn’t ask you to have babies with me.”
“I…I’m telling you this now because…because I’ve been engaged twice and both men wanted out when reality hit them.” I was being unfair to James. We broke the engagement because he loved Katie, and once I came to know her I knew she was the right woman for him.
Nick didn’t say anything for a long time.
Perhaps if I explained further, letting him know this wasn’t something that could be fixed. “I was born without a uterus.”
He grinned. He actually grinned like I was making a joke when I’d bared my very soul to him. Irritation stiffened my spine. “This isn’t a joke,” I said tightly and started to rise, balancing as best I could on one foot. I’d never felt more ridiculous in my life. I’d made a complete fool of myself.
“I apologize,” Nick said, standing and using his strength to sit me back down again. “It just came out of the blue and…”
“I made a mess of telling you and for that I’m sorry, but this is information you need to know about me now. Don’t toy with me, Nick. I couldn’t bear that.” My voice wobbled a bit and I feared he wasn’t taking me seriously.
“Emily, stop, please. I appreciate that you told me, but honestly it doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” I countered, shocked that he didn’t appreciate the significance of what I’d revealed. “You think it doesn’t now, but you’re wrong.”
That irritating grin was back. I was seriously beginning to doubt he appreciated what it had cost me to tell him this part of myself and my past. I shrugged and decided to play along as if what happened was of little significance. “You’re right. It was just a few chaste kisses. It was nice, but you have to remember my head wasn’t exactly working on all eight cylinders.”
“Chaste kisses?” he challenged. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman get more involved in a kiss. I had my tongue so far down your throat I felt your tonsils. Admit it, Em, there was nothing chaste about it. In other circumstances, I would have dragged you straight to bed and had my way with you. Plan to, in fact.”
My cheeks must be flaming. I’d already mortified myself enough for one night. “It was the pain…I wasn’t myself…I should never…” Straightening my spine, I snapped my mouth closed. Every time I spoke I dug myself in deeper. “Please, can we drop the whole thing?”
The amusement had drained from his eyes. He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Come here,” he whispered, and pulled me into his arms.
I tried to resist, but he wouldn’t let me. Soon enough my head rested against his shoulder. After a few moments, he whispered, “Thank you for telling me.”
“It changes things.”
“Not for me it doesn’t.”
He still didn’t understand. From experience I knew it eventually would. Whatever happened from this moment forward was on him. I’d done due diligence; forewarned was forearmed. Wasn’t that how the saying went? Something like that.
In other relationships I’d waited much longer before explaining my inability to have a child. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, do that again. If Nick wanted a relationship with me, then he