me. I feel like everything is about to cave in on my life. I’m barely sleeping these days. I even paid some girl in one of my classes to do my homework one night so I could actually sleep. I slept for six hours straight. That never happens. I haven’t even seen Macy in weeks. We’ve sent a few texts but that’s it and it’s killing me.
Saylor tries to pump us up before the game but no one’s in the mood. With having these two away games so close together everyone’s patience is wearing thin.
The first quarter we’re able to score a field goal. It’s all we’re able to do against the Wildcats’ two touchdowns.
The second quarter Cash runs the ball in for a touchdown but we miss the two-point conversion. The Wildcats are on their game scoring another fourteen points.
Coach Lander tries a different approach this time during his half-time speech. He’s not pissed, he’s fucking livid. He barely talks at all and when that happens we know the shit is going to hit the fan on Sunday when we’re reviewing tapes.
In the third quarter we’re scoreless while the Wildcats come up with yet again another touchdown.
The fourth quarter, Cash gets the chance to look around the field and finds me out by the sidelines for a twenty-two-yard pass into the end zone. But the Wildcats follow that right up with another touchdown.
We lost that game forty-two to sixteen.
The plane ride back to Eugene was long. No one talked. No one looked at each other. Everyone was dreading the team meeting with the coach because we were going to get our asses handed to us after he chews them up and spits them back out.
November 26, 2013
Colton and Cash are going at it yet again in the locker room. You would think that Colton would shut the fuck up and mind his own business but he doesn’t. He’s a fucking idiot sometimes. I think he was hit in the head with the ball one too many times.
Cash’s pads are flying off and getting slammed into his locker. It takes a lot to piss Cash off but lately just a look in his direction and he’s ready for a fight.
Cash goes and takes a quick shower while I’m still in the locker room taking my time because I’ve got nowhere to be. He dresses and pulls his hat down low over his eyes. I glance back at him and our eyes meet. His are cold and angry. Something in my gut tells me he’s going to see Jay. I’ve got to warn him not to but then another part of me just wants to stay the hell out of it.
He takes a few steps in my direction and I jump up off the bench holding my hands up. “He’s dangerous.”
Cash gives me a menacing look. “Don’t you have to go get high or something?”
He brushes past me hitting my shoulder. “Fuck!” I yell then punch my locker. I drop to the bench staring down at the floor. I at least tried to warn him. I knew it would fall on deaf ears but I couldn’t live with myself if I said nothing at all.
November 28, 2013
Campus is mostly deserted since it’s Thanksgiving. Everyone has gone home to visit family but not me. My mom and dad are pissed but what can they do about it. They offered to come to Eugene and take me to dinner but I made up some lame excuse that I was keeping my head in my books all day to catch up on some school work I was behind on. Mom started crying and passed the phone off to Dad. He told me not to worry about her and that he was proud of me for being responsible. That made me feel shitty because the last thing I was worried about was studying.
Macy left to go home for a few days saying she just needed a break from everything. I think she wanted to put some distance between us and I couldn’t blame her. She never even asked if I was going back home either.
I’m lying on my bed in my cold cinderblock room throwing the football up in the air then catching it. I feel like I’m trapped in this room but yet I can’t seem to make myself leave either. I’ve got the whole day to do whatever the hell I want since we have no practice and no game today.