calling you about an hour after you left. I must have called a hundred times.”
I pulled my brows in slightly and tilted my head at him. Was he actually worried? About me? “I turned off my phone.”
“I figured,” he said.
I let out a sigh. “The baby is fine, Dirk.”
It was his turn to frown. “It’s not just the baby, Bugs. I’m worried about you and the baby.”
My breath stalled in my throat. “Me?” I spoke on a barely there whisper.
“Why is that so hard for you to understand? Merit, we were once so close. You were…you were my best friend besides Brock and…”
His voice trailed off.
I finished for him. “And Kaci.”
Dirk looked back down at the pancake batter. “I’m tired of her coming between us, Bugs.”
My eyes stung, and I looked away. He was right. Maybe I needed therapy. Someone to talk to about these stupid emotions that still plagued me all these years later. After a few moments, I turned back to him. “How are Kaylee and the baby?”
That caused his head to jerk back up. His eyes changed, as well as his expression. He seemed lost for a moment, maybe in a memory, before he shook it off. “I guess they’re fine.”
“You guess?” I asked. “You haven’t seen them?”
“Not yet.”
I lifted my brows in surprise. “I figured you’d be over there all the time.”
He looked at me again. “No. Kaylee and Ty deserve this time together with their daughter.”
I slowly nodded. Then I wrung my hands in my lap, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I hated my insecurities so much. God, what was wrong with me?
“The reason I went on a bender was because I found out about you and the baby. It had nothing to do with Kaylee. She’s like a sister to me, that’s all.”
Our eyes locked, and I tried not to let him see how much his words impacted me. How they made my foolish jealousy seemingly disappear in an instant. It wasn’t really Kaylee I was jealous of—it was more the attention Dirk showered her with. Call me greedy, but I wanted that from him, no matter how much I told myself I didn’t. I missed our friendship.
Dirk was the one person I could talk to about anything. When I came home and found out about my father and his betrayal of my mother, Dirk was the first person I wanted to talk to. Just like when I was offered my first job, it was Dirk I had longed to call and tell. My first apartment, I had almost called him. All those times I had wanted to hear his voice, to see him. I had never truly allowed myself to heal after walking away from him that night. I had been walking away from the only best friend I’d ever truly had.
I broke our gaze and looked down at the bowl of batter. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby when I found out. It’s just, I found out the day of…well…”
“My father’s accident.”
Without looking at him, I nodded. “Yes. Then when Brad passed, I couldn’t figure out a good time, and every time I did try to tell you, something would happen. I know what I did was wrong—not telling you, I mean. I really didn’t mean to keep it from you.” I looked up and found him still staring at me. “I was so afraid you’d be angry.”
He flinched, then closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking back at me. “Why would I be angry?”
A laugh mixed with a sob slipped free. “Because I know you don’t want this. I mean, I know you don’t want a family, a child.” I wiped at my tears. “I’m not asking for anything from you for me, but I do think it’s important for you be in her...”
“Or his,” he said softly with a crooked smile.
I laughed. “Yes, or his. I think it’s important you’re in their life. We both had amazing parents growing up, and I want our child to have the same thing.”
“A lot has changed over the last few months,” he said, pinning me with his gaze again.
“Some things have. Not everything, though,” I whispered.
His eyes widened. “What hasn’t?”
I chewed nervously on my lip and let out a laugh as I shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. We have a little one to think about.”
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
Dirk went back to the pancakes and bacon as I fought the emotions that were waging a