magic is like a second skin to me, and even my higher god powers, the ones I got from Neritous, were starting to feel more familiar, if still intimidating.
This, though… This is something else. It’s as insidious as it is alluring, as destructive as it is poignant, and it sickens me with its seductive allure. That’s the worst part, I think: in spite of everything that’s happened, in spite of the destruction I wrought on a human city yesterday, it’s still powerfully, hauntingly seductive. I can feel its beauty and potency every time I close my eyes, and it’s all I can do not to scream when I remember what it felt like to use it.
Is this what Mads is going through? I wonder, rolling onto my side and nestling in closer to Seth. Killian is on my other side, a muscular arm draped over his eyes as he snores softly, and the image almost makes me smile…almost. Storm is asleep at the foot of the bed, his broad chest rising and falling rhythmically with his breath, a reminder that I’m not alone, even if I have to face these demons on my own. Seth makes a soft noise in his sleep as I move closer to him, wrapping a protective arm around my body, and I lean into the comfort of his embrace, grateful for the warmth and security. Fresh tears spring up in my eyes at the thought of her imprisoned in her room down the hall, confused and amnesic, dealing with her transformation all by herself. I’m barely keeping it together, and I’m surrounded by people I know and love. She must be so confused… I squeeze my eyes closed, tears leaking out and creeping down my cheeks, and all I can do is bury my face in the crook between Seth’s arm and his chest, leaving a wet stain as I try to muffle my sobs. It’s all too much.
Seth shifts a little, opening a tired golden eye, which immediately goes wide with concern when he sees that I’m crying. “Hey,” he whispers, taking my chin in his fingers and peering into my face. “Karma…what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I reply. “Just…sorting through some stuff right now. Go back to sleep.”
“Karma…”
“Please,” I implore him, my voice a raspy whisper. “I don’t want to talk. I just need you to hold me.”
Seth watches me for a long, heavy moment, his face drawn with concern, and then he nods, wrapping his other arm around me and pulling me onto his chest. He doesn’t say anything, and for that, I’m grateful. I don’t think I have talking in me right now. Seth has lost enough in his own life to understand that sometimes the best thing you can do when you’re grieving is to share silence with someone. For all his stiffness, he knows what it’s like to lose someone you love—he lost his wife and child, for god’s sake.
But what about when the person you love, the person you’ve lost, is yourself?
Another ragged sob wracks my body, and I feel the justice god’s hand smooth over my back, rubbing gently back and forth in a soothing motion as I cry into his chest, finally able to let go of all the guilt, anger, and confusion. So much has changed, so much keeps changing…and if I’m not careful, I’m afraid that I’ll lose myself completely in the chaos.
Eventually I do nod off, and my sleep is fretful and full of fragmented nightmares, flashbacks to what happened with Neritous, visions of Maria’s death, of Mads with her cold, dead eyes…and then my eyes burst open. I’ve soaked the sheets, and my shirt with sweat, and my breathing is coming in heavy bursts. Late morning sunlight is streaming in through the window, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful that it’s daylight than I am now. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I slowly sit up, raising my eyebrows when I see that I’m alone in my room. The blankets are thrown back where the justice twins were sleeping, and I see that Storm has straightened up his makeshift area, too. The door is closed, leaving me by myself in a tangle of sheets and blankets, and for a little bit, I miss the comfort of the guys’ embraces… Until I see the clock, that is.
“Shit,” I hiss, raking a hand through my unkempt red curls as I fling the sheets off me and swing my legs off the bed. It’s almost