obvious solution in the world. He motioned to a couple of seats in the front row—floor seats, close to both exits. God, I might’ve fallen for him just a little for that gesture alone.
But I couldn’t. Because this…this wasn’t a date. This was two colleagues working out a mutual agreement in order to better our careers. He cooperated and improved his image for his first season back with the Reapers, and I nailed my first major assignment from Langley. Win-win.
Colleagues who sometimes kissed in intense and severe situations. And I was sure the kiss had just been another day in the life of Jansen Sterling for him, but for me? It had shaken awake something inside of me I’d never felt before. An all-consuming hunger. A tingling ache I couldn’t soothe myself.
“When was the last time?” he asked again as I settled into the leather seat next to him. The giant screen flared to life, illuminating the room with upcoming attractions.
“Sixteen,” I said, wringing my hands. I tried to force myself not to think about the thick, dark walls. The lack of exterior air. How hard it would be to get out if there had been a crowd of people here.
“I thought the claustrophobia started younger than that?”
“It did,” I said, not wanting to rehash that particular memory with him again. “But my high school boyfriend at the time, didn’t take it seriously. He knew about it, but not in a way that gave him any real insight to what it would put me through.” I sighed. “He said he had a surprise for me, and when we ended up at the theater, I was shocked. My panic flared, but he goaded me into going. A ton of his friends were there, and I didn’t want to make a scene, so he tugged me inside, forced me to sit in the very top row, and…” My chest tightened at the memory. The way I’d had to run out of the place, nearly falling down the full flight of stairs as I did. The way I’d sat outside, tucked against the building’s brick wall, tears streaming down my face as I tried and failed to get my body to stop shaking. “I didn’t really see much of the movie,” I said.
Sterling’s eyes were sincere as they met mine. “You know we can leave whenever you need to,” he said, and I nodded.
I did know that.
Somehow, I knew Sterling would never push me like my ex did.
“You seem to be doing pretty well already,” he added, that smirk shaping his lips. “The previews are over, and you look downright calm.”
I huffed a laugh, forcing my hands to the armrests instead of wringing them out again. I wasn’t close to calm, but I wasn’t barreling down the freeway to an attack either.
Baby steps.
And with Jansen at my side? It didn’t seem such a lonely, dark place to be.
Thirty minutes into the movie, I couldn’t concentrate. My knee bounced lightly, and I shifted my position about a dozen times. It wasn’t that the movie was bad, in fact, it was super interesting with great acting and a tight plot. And it wasn’t exactly the dark walls bothering me either.
It was Jansen.
His laugh, the way his bicep brushed against my arm, or his thigh pressed lightly into mine. God, maybe I was back in high school, crushing on the hot jock who made me laugh. I might as well be with how my thoughts were racing. Flashing from the way the theater made me feel, and then how he made me feel. The two emotions clashing in a battle that threatened to make me scream.
The theater being empty helped a ton with me being able to control the dark thoughts that tried to squeeze their way into my mind. I felt that slightly trapped sensation, but I knew I could get out of this room because no one would be in my way when rushing for the door. That alone should have allowed me to relax enough to enjoy the movie, but every time Jansen moved or laughed or breathed I caught his scent, felt the electric crackles from his accidental touch, and basically did somersaults inside.
His kiss replayed over and over so much that I soon had no clue what was happening on the screen.
And I just…didn’t care.
I wanted.
Like, full-on, can’t breathe without touching him, wanted.
The sensation was so new and exhilarating I couldn’t think straight. Couldn’t remind myself of all the reasons why