delectable on his own—those crushing blue eyes that saw through all my defenses, the hard lines of his muscles, the teases of blank ink over his arm, his chest, his neck. God, even without knowing what it felt like to kiss him—who wouldn’t want him?
But I did know what it felt like—fire and sparks and a swirling craving that went beyond my rational reasoning. His kiss had been powerful enough to take the edge off what had been gearing up to be one hell of a panic attack. I’d had enough of them to know the different levels of severity—some I could handle on my own with some tried and true breathing techniques my therapist had taught me. Others, I’d need to pop one of the pills she’d prescribed me for when I could see nothing but black walls closing in around me. The meds took about twenty minutes to calm my mind enough to think through the problem, but it was a hell of a lot better than crumbling into a ball of blind panic, icy whispers in my mind that I’d never get out, never survive. That the panic and terror would never end.
I’d almost gone to that full maximum in the elevator.
But…I hadn’t.
Was that Jansen? Did he have some magical soothing effect that helped me? Or was I simply getting better at managing the fear?
I didn’t have a solid answer, even as I walked up to the movie theater where Jansen stood outside.
Damn, he looked good. Dark jeans hugged his massive, powerful legs, and a tight black t-shirt clung to his chest, leaving very little to the imagination of what lay beneath. Sure, I’d caught glimpses of him before and after practice, those times where he’d leave the arena gym sans shirt, but I didn’t know what his skin felt like. What the muscles beneath it felt like. What his collection of tattoos created or the meaning behind them.
And I wanted to know.
Which was almost as terrifying as where he was about to take me.
“You look beautiful,” he said as I stopped before him.
My heart did that flutter thing, but I shrugged. “Well, if I’m going to go down like this, I figured I may as well look good while I do it.”
Jansen laughed, shaking his head. “Are movie theaters that hard for you?” he asked as he held the door open for me. I nodded, following him inside. He walked right past the ticket booth, giving a wave to the young kid behind it before heading down the long theater hall. “I figured with the openness of the space, it wouldn’t be as bad,” he said, holding open the theater door for me.
Ice prickled down my spine, and my chest clenched.
No windows.
Only two exits.
Hundreds of people there to witness my panic—
“Hey,” he said, cutting into my racing thoughts. He stepped into my space until all I could see or smell or feel was him. Cupping my cheeks with such gentleness, he met my gaze. “It’s empty,” he said. “I know you said you crowds weren’t an issue, but I figured this would be easier.”
I raised my brows, leaning into his delicate touch. How could someone so strong be so…tender? A warm shiver chased away the ice. “Empty?”
Jansen nodded, dropping his hands from my face. I almost whimpered at the lack of contact, but he held out his hand for me to take it.
A gesture.
My choice. He wouldn’t haul me in there if I actually didn’t want to go. Just like at the amusement park. He was here to help me, guide me, support me.
I sucked in a deep breath, resolved in the notion that half the battle with the panic was that those who witnessed it didn’t understand it. Couldn’t or wouldn’t understand it. The fact that Jansen not only knew about what happened to me that I couldn’t control but took the care and time to support me through it? It was enough to make my knees weak for an entirely different reason than what we were about to do.
“When was the last time you saw a movie?” he asked as I took his hand.
He led us into the darkened theater, and I blew out a breath. Every seat in the place was empty. Just like he’d said. “I stream at home all the time,” I answered him, my eyes wide as I took in the vacant, windowless space. “You rented out the entire theater?”
“Of course, I did,” he answered like it was the most