the old Charlie back. She’s chilled out, she’s funny, and she laughs at all the same things that she used to. She’s like her old self again. You can just sit and chat with her for hours. You must know what I mean?” He’d asked.
“No, I don’t know what you mean,” Matt had said angrily.
How was it that Rich, and all their other friends, had found a way to reconnect with Charlie he’d asked himself? He’d tried but he hadn’t been able to. Was it because they were all willing to take her on face value, re-form new friendships with her based on the fact that she still had all the same qualities as the old Charlie he’d thought.
If that was the case though, then why hadn’t he been able to? He was after all her husband. Wasn’t he supposed to love her more than everyone else? Yet despite knowing that he was, he knew that he just couldn’t see past the amnesia. He had no time for this new Charlie, no matter how nice, funny, or chilled out she was. He wanted the old Charlie back. He wanted his Charlie back. He wanted his wife back.
Rich hadn’t responded, but had taken to drinking his pint at a renewed speed.
Matt had slammed his empty glass down on the table and had walked out. He’d known that had he stayed any longer it was likely that he would’ve done something that he’d have regretted, like punching his best friend in the face, but outside he hadn’t known what to do. All he had known was that he hadn’t wanted to go home.
He knew that Charlie would be sat on the sofa reading whatever book she’d decided to re-visit this week waiting for him to get in, and he knew that she was probably hoping to talk to him about her latest session with Maria and her hopes for the future.
He was aware that he was being totally out of order, but being around Charlie was getting more and more painful with each passing day. She’d grown comfortable in his presence and in their home. She would smile at him with genuine sincerity whenever he came home, and she’d sit and chat merrily with him about her day and ask him questions about his.
There had even been times when he’d been so completely taken in by this Charlie, when he had become a little too comfortable with the her, that he had found himself wanting to be near her again. Yet each time that he’d given in to this new Charlie, and he’d tried to connect with her or he’d tried to touch her face or even just her hand, her reaction had always been the same.
She would panic and apologise profusely. She would jump up or move away, and she’d offer to make him a drink before she’d start apologising again. Matt always ended up feeling like shit, and his mood would spiral even lower, knowing that he’d allowed himself to be deluded into thinking that there was still a chance that their lives could ever return to normal.
He was feeling increasingly lonely as it became clear that he and Charlie weren’t getting any closer, and he was starting to worry that his own recollection and memories of their past together were also beginning to fade. He felt isolated from his friends and family, and most days he woke feeling desperately low. Today had been no exception, and the pint with Rich had done little to raise his spirits.
He wasn’t ready to go home, but he also couldn’t go back inside to drink with Rich. He pulled his scarf up around his neck and hugged his coat to him as he walked up the road to another pub. He wasn’t on call tonight, so he thought that he might as well lose himself in alcohol. This would at least afford him a few hours where he could forget the miserable state of his life.
Charlie
After three further sessions with Maria, in which Charlie had all but begged her for some advice. Maria finally caved in and spoke her mind about Charlie’s domestic situation with Matt.
“You’re living in no man’s land,” she said. “You’ve taken steps to regain control of your life. You’ve reformed your friendships and you’re looking to enrol in college, but with Matt you insist on treading carefully. You’re being cautious, and you’re unwilling to test the ground on which you stand. You’ve said time and time again that you