“Give it to me, darlin’.”
His hand slips between us, and his thumb finds just the spot I need to release a week’s worth of tension and a lifetime worth of dreams. I come so hard I see stars dance before my eyes, and I make a wish on every one of them.
Please don’t let this end.
Jess’s motions still while he jolts inside me. All feels so right with the world.
For now.
+ + +
The moment for talking finally arrives after another round of mind-blowing sex in my bed. We lie next to one another, breathing heavily until Jess lifts an arm and tucks it behind his head. His focus doesn’t leave my ceiling.
“I could never ask you to stay. To give all this up. Your home. Your job. Your dream.” He twists his head to face me, but he makes no move to turn his body or draw mine close to him.
“And I can’t pack up my kid and start over again.” His gaze is piercing, and I can see in his eyes he’s begging me to understand.
“I’d never ask you to do that.”
“Long distance seems so . . . impossible,” he admits. “I can’t put Katie through that kind of relationship. She needs someone consistent and present.”
My lips twist into a scowl, and my heart aches. I know what he’s saying. It’s true, even if I don’t like it. The odds seem against us.
“I owe Tom. I can’t walk away from him or the business. We have too much invested in it, and that’s not including the sentimental value connected to our dad.”
I want to reach for him, sensing both his sadness at the loss of his father and the depth of his commitment to help his brother take over the family business. Then I remember he told me he’s where he’s meant to be.
“I can’t ask you to leave the paper. The thing you’ve waited years for. The column of your dreams. I could beg you to stay with me, but you’d resent me. Deb did.”
It’s a checklist of things against us.
“I’m not Deb.” What did she give up in order to live with her successful husband and their beautiful daughter? And yes—yes, he could beg me to stay. Begging is good, I think to myself, but I don’t say that. “How could Deb have possibly resented you?” It’s an awkward question to ask in our current conversation, but I want to know.
He shifts, turning his body to face mine. “She resented that I worked so much while she was home. Doing what, I have no idea. She wasn’t a homemaker in the traditional sense. Didn’t want a job but didn’t want our child either. She was a terrible wife and a horrible mother.” He sighs and swipes at his face. “And I didn’t beg her to come back to me. I wanted the divorce she asked for, but I also wanted answers from her. She refused to speak to me. We signed the papers separately and parted ways.” He exhales. “And you’re right, you’re not her. That’s why I can’t believe you left without talking to me.”
I sigh in frustration, twisting on the bed to face the ceiling. He’s quiet until I turn my gaze back to him.
“I don’t have anything to offer you,” he whispers.
“You have so much more to offer than you realize. Family. Katie.” I swallow. “Grace is all the way down in Georgia where she has a husband and five children. Well, almost five. And I have only me. Here.” Alone.
“You kept saying you were going to leave,” he says quietly.
“You didn’t tell me you wanted me to stay.”
We stare at one another. It’s the most honest we’ve been with each other, and it scares me to death.
“I can’t ask you to come back with me, but I also can’t seem to give you up.”
Why? I want to plead. Why can’t he ask me? But I’ve just heard all his reasons, and if he doesn’t want to ask, I’m not going to beg.
“Emily.” He reaches for the tear rolling down my cheek, and I close my eyes.
I shake my head. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
Jess moves closer to me and pulls me into his chest. I bury my face in my hands against him as his fingers stroke my back. The silent tears fall while I fight the sob so desperate to escape.
“We won’t say goodbye,” he whispers, but we both know it’s already happened. Despite his presence here, we’ve already let each