if you want. I have a single and it’s quiet here.” She paused. “Jericho, too, if he wants.”
“I’m going to Sarah’s to study,” Stu said after he hung up the phone. “Do you want to come?”
“Do what you want,” said Jericho, his voice frosty. “Like I care if you guys date.”
“It’s not like that, Jer,” he said. “We’re just friends. And she invited you, too.”
Jericho remained silent and flipped the page.
“Suit yourself,” said Stu. “See you later.”
“Later,” said Jericho, without looking up.
* * *
—
Sarah had a dorm room even though she could have lived at home. “It’s a compromise with my parents, to keep me in school,” she said.
“Nice,” said Stu, though he was shocked by both the extravagance of the expense and the implied bribery. “I like what you’ve done with it.” There were half a dozen thriving plants, some colourful wall-hangings, and a collage of photos mounted above her desk. Stu thought he recognized the brother she’d pointed out at the party in a few of them, but most were snapshots of young children. “Who’s this bunch?” he asked, pointing.
“I’m a nanny in the summers,” said Sarah. “My specialty is knock-knock jokes.”
There was a picture of Sarah doing a one-legged yoga pose on some rocky ledge. Stu leaned in and saw mountains in the background, a fringe of sky, her hair burnished to gold and red where it caught the sunlight. Someone had written CHOOSE across the bottom in silver marker.
“My brother took that photo,” she said. “On a family trip.”
“Did he write that at the bottom?” asked Stu. “Or you?”
“I did. I just thought…” She paused so long that at first Stu thought she had finished, until he turned and saw that she was staring off into the distance. At length, she sat down on the bedspread and said, “How do you know you’re living the life you were meant to be living? You have to choose it for yourself, if you can.” Her pupils were looming large as she pressed her lips together. “Think how many people never even get the chance.”
When the tea was ready, they studied and ate rice crackers. Every hour or so, Sarah boiled more water while Stu went through her CD collection. They stayed up until two-thirty in the morning, quizzing each other and listening to music. After Sarah dozed off mid-conversation, Stu lay down on her couch and fell into a deep, undisturbed sleep.
* * *
—
The phone was ringing when Stu returned to his room the next morning, but Jericho wasn’t there. It was Stu’s mother.
“Where’s Jericho? Karen couldn’t get a hold of him last night for their usual call.”
“Ma, I know that you wanted me to—”
“Look out for him,” his mother finished. “You said you would.”
Stu could picture his mother’s honey-coloured hair and the way she sat when she talked on the phone, with her legs crossed at the ankle, leaning an elbow on the kitchen counter. She kept a pad of paper where she doodled triangles and daisies. The daisies always reminded him of squashed spiders.
“Yes, okay. I will. I promise.”
Stu checked the lounge, the dining hall, the library. He headed over to the philosophy department and poked around the hallways and offices. Truscott had pinned up lime green notices for their first show on all the departmental bulletin boards: GREEN SCREEN / BIRDY’S / TONIGHT 9 P.M.: FREE YOUR MIND.
* * *
—
Finally, he went to class, hoping Jericho would show up for the midterm exam. Hunched over her test, Sarah caught his eye and nodded at Jericho’s empty seat. Stu shrugged.
He lingered after class, shouldering his bag only once he was the last student left in the room. He approached the front as Rachel finished stacking the tests.
“Where’s your friend Jericho today?” she said, slipping the pile into her satchel. He snuck a glance at its contents: a turquoise wallet, Totality and Infinity by Emmanuel Levinas, a Twix bar.
“I’m not sure.”
“I hope everything’s okay with him.”
Stu wondered why all the women he knew interpreted Jericho’s silence as weakness and sensitivity, rather than indifference. It wasn’t so long ago that men were praised for being strong and silent.
“Me too.” Stu took a step forward and his sneaker squeaked on the floor. “By the way, my new band is playing a show tonight. At Birdy’s.” He grinned. “Maybe you saw the posters.”
Rachel ducked her head as she zipped up her bag. “Oh, I think I’ll be busy marking,” she said. “But thanks.” Her voice was light and friendly